When you’re in a social situation, do you typically wait for people to come and talk to you? Do you let opportunities pass by because you’re uncomfortable initiating a conversation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Approaching others can be intimidating. You might prefer to keep to yourself or talk to people you already know rather than risk rejection or awkwardness. But, in reality, rejection isn’t a likely outcome. You’ll probably end up being glad that you walked across the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Continue reading to learn how to approach someone with confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
In The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em><\/a>, Debra Fine suggests that you should actively approach strangers and accept that, if you want to have conversations, it\u2019s your<\/em> job to start them<\/a>. She explains that the second most common fear in America is of starting conversations, particularly with strangers. Because this fear is so common, you\u2019re unlikely to face rejection if you initiate conversation\u2014in fact, your conversational partner is likely to be relieved that you made the effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re afraid to talk to someone because you fear you\u2019ll have nothing in common, Fine suggests you keep in mind that humans are more alike than they are different<\/strong>. If you give other people a chance, you\u2019ll find you can connect with almost anyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s explore a three-step process for how to approach someone and initiate a conversation<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fine suggests that you first scan the room and find someone who\u2019s on their own, who\u2019s not engaged in a conversation or an activity, and who makes eye contact with you. When you make eye contact, smile at the person<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong> Fine explains that this shows the other party you\u2019re interested in them and immediately establishes a rapport. Their natural response will likely be to smile back; right off the bat, the two of you share a positive feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Additionally, in How to Talk to Anyone<\/em><\/a>, Leil Lowndes suggests that you read body language<\/a> cues to differentiate between those who want to be approached and those who don\u2019t<\/strong><\/a>. <\/strong>A relaxed and open stance implies that you\u2019re welcome to approach them. If they\u2019re slumped, guarded, or fidgety, you probably won\u2019t get the warm response that you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In Captivate<\/em><\/a>, Vanessa Van Edwards recommends that you interact with people in the places<\/em> and at the times<\/em> when they\u2019re most likely to be receptive to conversation<\/strong><\/a>. In general, this means approaching people once they\u2019re settled in. She says the best locations and times to engage with people are: <\/p>\n\n\n\n On the other hand, you\u2019ll find it difficult to approach others when they\u2019re in transition\u2014for example, when they\u2019re arriving at or leaving an event, getting drinks at the bar, or using the bathroom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve chosen who you want to approach, you\u2019ll then need to confidently introduce yourself to them. Let\u2019s explore three different methods that will help you express your interest in others and<\/em> set the stage for engaging conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fine suggests that, once you\u2019ve chosen who to approach and have established rapport through a smile, you should walk up to them, make eye contact, smile again, and shake their hand. Say, \u201cHi. My name is\u2026\u201d Then, stay focused as they return the introduction<\/a>. Remember their name <\/strong>and use it immediately: For instance, say \u201cNice to meet you, Albert!\u201d If you miss a person\u2019s name, Fine recommends asking them to repeat it.<\/strong> Everyone has the right to be called by their name, she notes, and those with difficult names will appreciate it (and feel important).<\/p>\n\n\n\n In How to Win Friends and Influence People<\/em><\/a>, Dale Carnegie expands on Fine\u2019s suggestion by explaining that everyone <\/em>is thrilled when someone learns and uses their name. Carnegie argues that a person\u2019s name is the most important word in any language to them<\/a>\u2014saying it is a subtle and welcome compliment. In contrast, forgetting a name or getting it wrong suggests you didn\u2019t care enough to get it right. Use a person\u2019s name often, he says, and respect it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Lowndes, another effective way to approach new people is to ask mutual acquaintances to make introductions for you<\/a>. Before they introduce you, ensure that they\u2019ll pad out these introductions with a few details, such as the new person\u2019s hobbies or interests, so that you have the opportunity to show your interest and start a discussion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Alternatively, if your acquaintances are too busy<\/a> to introduce you, ask them for information so that you can find a shared interest to use as an icebreaker. With this information, you can easily approach someone new using a variation of the following line: \u201cHey, I was just talking to \u2026 and she told me that you \u2026 .\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alternatively, Lowndes suggests that you can forgo standard introductions and, instead, draw attention to yourself by wearing or carrying something unusual<\/a>, such as a unique brooch or a colorful shirt. This gives people an excuse to approach you and gives you something to talk about. Likewise, pay attention to what those around you are wearing or carrying so that you have an excuse to approach them. Using a complimentary phrase such as, \u201cWow, I love your shoes! Where are they from?\u201d not only helps you to start a conversation, but it also shows others that you\u2019re interested in them and what they have to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The three methods we\u2019ve just covered will help you feel more comfortable about introducing yourself to others. Now let\u2019s look at four different methods for transitioning from this initial encounter into engaging conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Fine, it doesn\u2019t matter much what<\/em> you say as an opener; in theory, you could say anything<\/em>. <\/strong>What matters is that you initiate the conversation and show genuine interest<\/em> in the other person\u2019s answer<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong> Her recommendation, if you\u2019re having trouble, is to open with a statement that uses the context of the situation, event, or venue, and then ask them a related question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Psychiatrist and professor Mark Goulston (Just Listen<\/em><\/a>) reiterates the importance of expressing interest in others when starting conversations: To gain someone\u2019s attention and curiosity, focus on learning about them instead of talking about yourself<\/a>. Goulston explains that if you try to sound interesting, you risk coming off as annoying or self-obsessed. Instead, by displaying sincere interest in the person you\u2019re talking to, you\u2019ll likely inspire them to reciprocate interest in you.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Van Edwards asserts that to make others like and remember you, you have to break out of the boring small talk mold and <\/strong>ignite interesting conversations that push people to think of new and different things<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong> She explains that we\u2019re most compelling to others when we\u2019re unscripted because novelty triggers activity in the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning<\/a> and is linked to dopamine pathways that arouse pleasure and fuel interest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To start novel conversations, you can ask questions that 1) people don\u2019t expect, to shake them out of their rut, and 2) engage people by prompting them to talk about subjects they love and are excited to talk about. For example, \u201cWhat\u2019s the most exciting thing that happened to you today?\u201d or \u201cWhat\u2019s the one thing you\u2019re most looking forward to doing this year?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When you’re in a social situation, do you typically wait for people to come and talk to you? Do you let opportunities pass by because you’re uncomfortable initiating a conversation? Approaching others can be intimidating. You might prefer to keep to yourself or talk to people you already know rather than risk rejection or awkwardness. But, in reality, rejection isn’t a likely outcome. You’ll probably end up being glad that you walked across the room. Continue reading to learn how to approach someone with confidence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":107353,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,42,43],"tags":[1091],"class_list":["post-107343","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-the-master-guides-small-talk-with-ease","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nStep #1: Choose Someone to Approach<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Time Your Approach<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Step #2: Introduce Yourself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Method 1: Say, \u201cHi. My Name Is\u2026\u201d<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Method 2: Ask for Introductions<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Method 3: Use and Take Notice of Visual Gimmicks<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Step #3: Start a Conversation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Method 1: Break the Ice<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Method 2: Initiate Thought-Provoking Conversations <\/h4>\n\n\n\n