{"id":107205,"date":"2023-06-29T12:21:49","date_gmt":"2023-06-29T16:21:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=107205"},"modified":"2023-07-11T17:32:44","modified_gmt":"2023-07-11T21:32:44","slug":"how-to-be-a-better-partner-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-a-better-partner-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be a Better Partner in a Relationship: 3 Simple Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you have a “secure base” relationship? Do you share everything with your partner?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if a relationship is going well, there’s always room for improvement. Rather than pointing the finger outward, consider what you can do. Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz share some practical tips in their book The Good Life<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn their advice on how to be a better partner in a relationship that you can put into practice starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Your Relationship With Your Partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Waldinger and Schulz assert that a positive and long-lasting relationship with a romantic partner can provide comfort to your life. Psychologists have found that adults who feel like they have a \u201csecure base\u201d\u2014someone they can rely on for comfort and support no matter what\u2014recover faster from stressful situations.\u00a0So, it’s important to understand how to be a better partner in a relationship so you can do your part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not All Romantic Relationships Are Created Equal <\/strong>

Just because you have <\/em>a romantic partner doesn\u2019t mean that they\u2019re your secure base<\/a>. In Attached<\/em><\/a>, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explain that people relate to intimacy in three ways<\/a>: Secure attachers<\/a> are comfortable with intimacy, avoidant attachers<\/a> prefer to maintain some emotional distance from their partners, and anxious attachers desire a lot of intimacy and are highly attuned to any threats to that intimacy. Secure attachers tend to have healthy relationships\u2014the kind that provides a protective effect from both physically and mentally challenging situations. 

However, when anxious and avoidant attachers date each other, their clashing intimacy needs often lead to a relationship in which one partner is regularly stressed out<\/a> and so feels insecure and unhappy.  <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Waldinger and Schulz name several techniques for improving your relationship with your partner. First, pay attention to and thank your partner for the little things they do.<\/strong> Doing so will improve your impression of them (because you\u2019re paying attention<\/a> to their positive qualities) and your partner\u2019s mood (because they\u2019ll be happy you noticed).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, try new things together. <\/strong>You\u2019ll see your partner in a new light, which will increase your admiration of them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other Ways to Improve Your Relationship<\/a><\/strong>

Researchers provide further tips on how to express gratitude and try new things with your partner to improve your relationship. When expressing gratitude, emphasize how your partner has added <\/em>to your life<\/a>. One study suggests that this improves how positively your partner feels about you and your relationship\u2014however, acknowledging what your partner gave up for you doesn\u2019t have the same effect. For example, your partner will feel more appreciated if you say, \u201cThanks for walking with me; I love your company,\u201d rather than, \u201cThanks for walking with me even though you\u2019d rather play video games.\u201d 

Additionally, when trying new things with your partner, try learning something together<\/a>. Your relationship grows stronger when you support each other through the mutual vulnerability that stems from not knowing what you\u2019re doing.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Third, practice sharing all <\/em>parts of yourself<\/a> with your partner\u2014even those you\u2019re afraid to. <\/strong>Waldinger and Schulz explain that, in times of conflict, you may be tempted to hide your true feelings from your partner in an effort to protect yourself or to stop fighting. However, the authors assert that it\u2019s better to lean into your vulnerability. When both partners share their true selves with each other, their connection deepens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work<\/em><\/a>, John Gottman<\/a> and Nan Silver suggest that if you struggle to share your true feelings with your partner when you\u2019re fighting, you may be experiencing flooding. Flooding is a psychological phenomenon<\/a> in which one partner feels so emotionally stressed that they\u2019re unable to respond rationally to their spouse. If you\u2019re feeling flooded\u2014which can manifest as a desire to shut your partner out because you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed\u2014ask for a 20-minute break<\/a>. Once you\u2019ve calmed down, you\u2019ll be more willing to be vulnerable and more able to have a productive discussion.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you have a “secure base” relationship? Do you share everything with your partner? Even if a relationship is going well, there’s always room for improvement. Rather than pointing the finger outward, consider what you can do. Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz share some practical tips in their book The Good Life. Keep reading to learn their advice on how to be a better partner in a relationship that you can put into practice starting today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":25162,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,43],"tags":[1089],"class_list":["post-107205","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-the-good-life","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Be a Better Partner in a Relationship: 3 Simple Tips - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There's room for improvement in every relationship. 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