{"id":107193,"date":"2023-07-05T12:45:43","date_gmt":"2023-07-05T16:45:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=107193"},"modified":"2023-07-11T17:31:20","modified_gmt":"2023-07-11T21:31:20","slug":"how-to-improve-your-relationships-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-your-relationships-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Improve Your Relationships: 2 Actions You Should Take"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you need to pay better attention to the people in your life? What are some practical ways to improve your relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The Good Life<\/em> by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz discusses tips for improving general relationships in life. They share two things you can do to improve any relationship: Pay better attention and replace bad habits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn how to improve your relationships in these two ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-action-1-pay-better-attention\">Action #1: Pay Better Attention<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Waldinger and Schulz&#8217;s first piece of advice for how to improve your relationships is to pay better attention. In the modern world, our brains have grown accustomed to constant distraction from our devices. As a result, we struggle to maintain our focus on a single thing\u2014including whoever we\u2019re spending time with. This lack of engagement hampers our ability to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eckhart-tolle-relationships-how-to-be-present\/\">connect with others<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So how can you pay better attention to the people you\u2019re with? Waldinger and Schulz recommend that you improve your ability to be present in general (and therefore, present with others) by <strong>practicing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eckhart-tolle-meditation-mindfulness\/\">mindfulness<\/a>. <\/strong>To do so, make it a point in your daily life to spend some time <em>noticing <\/em>things that haven\u2019t captured your attention before in places you frequent\u2014perhaps the breeze in your office.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Waldinger and Schulz add that you can apply this practice in your relationships: When speaking with someone, <strong>ask yourself what you might<em> not<\/em> be noticing <\/strong>and use that gap to guide your conversation. For example, if a friend is unusually upset about your tardiness, probe a bit deeper\u2014perhaps your chronic lateness is getting on their nerves, or they\u2019re upset because they fought with their mother. Studies indicate that the act of intentionally trying to empathize and connect with others can improve your relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Additionally, Waldinger and Schulz suggest that you <strong>minimize the potential damage of your screen use. <\/strong>When using social media, prioritize communicating over browsing; the latter can make you feel worse about your own life because you\u2019re comparing your reality to the highlights that others post online. If you notice that your screen time negatively affects your mood, decrease the time you spend on your devices. Ask the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-people-closest-to-you\/\">people closest to you<\/a> whether your screen time bothers them; if so, reevaluate it. Finally, create pockets of time when you don\u2019t check your devices at all so you can focus fully on those who matter most and also evaluate how <em>you <\/em>feel when you take a break from screens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Action #2: Replace Bad Habits<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Waldinger and Schulz say that you can also improve your relationships by <strong>replacing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/bad-relationship-habits\/\">bad relationship habits<\/a>. <\/strong>They explain that most of us have bad relationship habits; namely, we default to a particular pattern of behavior, or \u201ccoping style,\u201d whenever we feel strain. Unfortunately, these defaults can harm us and our relationships; for example, the authors\u2019 research suggests that if you tend to distance yourself from your problems, you won\u2019t be as happy as someone who confronts their problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The default pattern, or habit, that you fall into may seem immutable and out of your control. But Waldinger and Schulz explain that in reality, how you handle a particular situation involves a clear process over which you have some control. Whenever you face an external <em>stressor<\/em>, you <em>feel <\/em>some way about it and so you respond with a <em>reaction. <\/em>For example, if your partner is late for your date (stressor), you may <em>feel<\/em> neglected and <em>react<\/em> coldly when they finally arrive. This process occurs so quickly that it feels automatic\u2014but if you can interrupt it and choose to behave in a way that strays from your default, you might be able to improve your relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-obstacle-is-the-way\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Obstacle Is the Way<\/em><\/a>, Ryan Holiday suggests that understanding the process by which you judge events can improve other aspects of your life, not just your relationships. Unlike Waldinger and Schulz, who focus on how you react to stressors, Holiday suggests that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-obstacle-is-the-way\/1-page-summary#truth-1-no-event-is-necessarily-good-or-bad\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">all events are neutral<\/a> but spark feelings in us that evoke a reaction. According to Holiday, <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-obstacle-is-the-way\/1-page-summary#truth-1-no-event-is-necessarily-good-or-bad\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">this perspective can help you see the silver lining in anything<\/a>. For example, if a grandparent dies, you can choose to be sad, but you can also choose to be grateful for the lessons they taught you. Additionally, it helps you see opportunities in problems\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/health\/how-to-stop-avoiding-what-scares-or-overwhelms-you#why-is-it-unhelpful\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">which, other experts suggest, could reduce your tendency to avoid problems<\/a> and thus increase your happiness.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you need to pay better attention to the people in your life? What are some practical ways to improve your relationships? The Good Life by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz discusses tips for improving general relationships in life. They share two things you can do to improve any relationship: Pay better attention and replace bad habits. Keep reading to learn how to improve your relationships in these two ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":8136,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,43],"tags":[1089],"class_list":["post-107193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-the-good-life","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Improve Your Relationships: 2 Actions You Should Take - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It&#039;s easy to point fingers\u2014but start with yourself. 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