{"id":106376,"date":"2023-07-02T10:03:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-02T14:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=106376"},"modified":"2023-07-05T12:48:05","modified_gmt":"2023-07-05T16:48:05","slug":"effects-of-abusive-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/effects-of-abusive-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"The Terrible Effects of Abusive Parents on Adult Children"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How did Jennette McCurdy recover from her mother’s abuse? What are the effects of abusive parents on adult children?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After her mom’s death, McCurdy’s difficult childhood and its lasting, negative effects began to catch up to her. In I’m Glad My Mom Died<\/em>, McCurdy explores her experience with therapy and treatment for her eating disorders and how she came to terms with her mom, Debra’s abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn how this former actor coped with her abusive childhood as an adult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Therapy and Treatment for Eating Disorders<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

McCurdy begins going to a therapist and life coach, Laura to deal with the effects of her abusive parent. They start by taking stock of McCurdy\u2019s life, determining that she\u2019s binging and purging 5-10 times a day and drinking 8-9 shots of hard alcohol a night. Laura helps McCurdy understand that she\u2019s binging and purging as a way to relieve anxiety caused by pent-up emotions. McCurdy is so spent and exhausted after she purges that she has no energy left for anxiety. In this way, the act serves as self-medication. She learns that one method of addressing her bulimia is by journaling constantly to get her feelings on paper so they aren\u2019t unconsciously propelling her actions.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response to Laura\u2019s questions, McCurdy reveals that her mom showed her how to restrict calories when she was 11. Laura says that McCurdy\u2019s mom taught her how to be anorexic and encouraged her anorexia; she says this was abuse. McCurdy has always told herself that her mom wanted what was best for her, and she can\u2019t stomach hearing her mom be called abusive. <\/strong>She quits therapy and returns to her disordered eating with a vengeance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon after McCurdy leaves therapy, her dad tells her that he\u2019s not her biological father. Then, her boyfriend, who\u2019s suddenly become religious despite previously showing no interest in religion, declares that he\u2019s Jesus Christ reincarnated. McCurdy feels as if nothing in her life is certain or under her control. On a flight to Australia for a press junket, she binges and purges the entire time, and the last time, she loses a tooth in the process\u2014her stomach acids had worn down the enamel. When she lands, she finds out her boyfriend is in a mental health facility and may be schizophrenic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Things have gotten so bad that she decides to see an eating disorder specialist, Jeff. He starts by having her eliminate any \u201cdieting\u201d behavior: She must get rid of all diet foods in her house and stop exercising, except for walking and stretching. Then she needs to track her eating and purging. Next, he has her attempt to eat three meals a day, with snacks in between. She starts making gradual progress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One lesson she learns that hits home for her is the difference between a \u201cslip\u201d and a \u201cslide.\u201d A slip is when you slip up on your road to recovery and return to the behavior you\u2019re trying to quit. You may feel guilt or frustration, which is normal and can even motivate you to change. A slide is when you add shame<\/em> to those feelings of guilt and frustration, beating yourself up or telling yourself you\u2019re a terrible person because you made a mistake. The problem with shame is it tends to spiral, often leading you to slip up more and more. Accepting that you\u2019ll make mistakes on the road to recovery, without going into a \u201cshame spiral\u201d every time you do, can in fact make recovery more likely.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

McCurdy struggles for years to recover from her eating disorder and has frequent relapses. However, using the techniques she\u2019s learned, McCurdy eventually reaches a point where she\u2019s able to go a year without purging, and she begins to enjoy eating. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coming to Terms With Debra\u2019s Abuse<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

McCurdy visits Debra\u2019s grave regularly after she dies, but as the years pass, she visits less and less frequently. On one of her visits, McCurdy notes all of the superlative adjectives the family had placed on her gravestone and reflects on how she always believed her mom was all of these and more\u2014a kind of goddess who could do no wrong. But now she recognizes the truth: Her mom was a narcissist who emotionally, mentally, and physically abused her.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

McCurdy catalogs some of the ways that Debra hurt her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n