{"id":104783,"date":"2023-06-09T16:25:57","date_gmt":"2023-06-09T20:25:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=104783"},"modified":"2023-06-09T16:28:08","modified_gmt":"2023-06-09T20:28:08","slug":"components-of-active-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"The 4 Components of Active Listening for Better Conversations"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why is it important to be a great listener? What are the major components of active listening?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When done right, active listening shows respect to the other person you\u2019re engaging with. You\u2019ll show that you care about the discussion and want to know more about what the person is saying.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We\u2019ll look at the benefits of active listening and how you can practice this essential skill in any conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-benefits-of-active-listening\"><strong>Benefits of Active Listening<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Active listening is an important way to facilitate effective communication and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eckhart-tolle-relationships-how-to-be-present\/\">connect with others<\/a>. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-success-principles\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Success Principles<\/em><\/a> by Jack Canfield says that, when you don\u2019t actively listen to other people, you\u2019re potentially missing out on new information and perspectives. For example, if you\u2019re thinking about something that you\u2019d like to say instead of listening, you\u2019ll miss out on what the other person has to say. Additionally, if you\u2019re mentally arguing with what the person is saying instead of thinking about <em>why<\/em> they\u2019re saying it, you won\u2019t effectively resolve your conflict with this person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Additional benefits of active listening include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Understanding people on a deeper level.<\/strong> You\u2019ll learn about people\u2019s dreams and fears.<\/li><li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-is-trust-earned\/\">Building trust<\/a>. <\/strong>Showing an interest in people\u2019s lives and providing the space to share it creates trust.<\/li><li><strong>Gaining popularity. <\/strong>People tend to like those who take a genuine interest in them. Doing so will increase your popularity.<\/li><li><strong>Reducing your stress. <\/strong>When you focus more on others, you think about your own troubles less, which can reduce stress.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-4-components-of-active-listening\"><strong>The 4 Components of Active Listening<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Listening isn\u2019t just hearing what the other person is saying. It\u2019s analyzing, interpreting, and taking their words to heart. The following four components of active listening will make others feel understood while you\u2019re talking with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-stay-focused\"><strong>1. Stay Focused<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The first component of active listening is to give people your full and undivided attention. Ex-football coach Bill Campbell shares his experience in the book <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/trillion-dollar-coach\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Trillion Dollar Coach<\/em><\/a>. He observed that teams were more successful if every team member felt like his or her opinion was thoroughly listened to, especially by the manager or team leader.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since the 1950s, communications researchers have studied the importance of this component of active listening. Staying focused means giving the person speaking your complete attention, not checking your phone for texts while they\u2019re talking, not letting your mind wander, not interrupting or reacting, and not thinking about the next thing you\u2019re going to say.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Today we might call this behavior \u201cbeing present\u201d in conversation with another person. It means a wholehearted attempt to fully grasp the speaker&#8217;s perspective. Campbell&#8217;s style of listening included asking many questions. It&#8217;s the classic Socratic method used in many college classrooms. <strong>When you listen closely to what someone is saying and ask relevant, probing questions that target the real issue, people feel encouraged to share more information. <\/strong>They also feel highly valued.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Studies on attention show that it\u2019s typical for our minds to wander about half of the time that someone else is speaking. It&#8217;s easy to get distracted by external interruptions (e.g., loud conversations, emails, or Slack notifications) as well as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/internal-distractions\/\">inner distractions<\/a> (e.g., being in a bad mood; feeling hungry, tired, or uncomfortable). Any of these can impact your ability to be an active, attentive listener.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-pay-attention-to-nonverbal-language\"><strong>2. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Language<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Observing nonverbal language is another component of active listening. Reading people\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nonverbal-cues\/\">nonverbal cues<\/a> isn\u2019t just a matter of noticing what their bodies and voices are doing. You have to actually feel the same physical cues in yourself to empathize viscerally. For example, when psychologist Milton Erickson saw one of his sisters tense her neck, he tensed his neck to figure out what she was feeling. Only then did he realize her tension was caused by her discomfort in his presence.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cues are often associated with common emotions. Robert Greene explains this in his book <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-laws-of-human-nature\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Laws of Human Nature<\/em><\/a>. Below are common nonverbal cues to spot during conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-like\"><strong>Like<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The following cues often indicate that someone likes you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Relaxing of the face, especially the forehead and mouth areas<\/li><li>Blood rushing to the face in the case of love<\/li><li>Genuine smiling widens the eyes and pulls the cheeks up and is usually a response to something. Fake smiling can affect the eyes if the smile is broad, but it\u2019s often mistimed.<\/li><li>Relaxed lips<\/li><li>Opening of the area around the eyes by raised eyebrows, widened eyes, and dilated pupils<\/li><li>Voice pitches higher and has a purring quality; no voice hesitation or tension<\/li><li>Standing closer to you<\/li><li>Loose arms<\/li><li>Nodding while you\u2019re talking<\/li><li>Mirroring: At its most extreme, the other person matches your breathing.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-dislike\"><strong>Dislike<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The following cues often indicate dislike:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Squinting when you say something<\/li><li>Rolling your eyes when you talk about a strong opinion<\/li><li>Crossing the arms when you make a good point<\/li><li>Going quiet<\/li><li>Frowning or sneering while looking down<\/li><li>Glaring<\/li><li>Pursing the lips<\/li><li>Tensing the neck<\/li><li>Turning the body or feet away<\/li><li>Tension throughout the body<\/li><li>Avoiding you or responding slowly to your messages<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-dominance\"><strong>Dominance<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Dominance is almost entirely communicated nonverbally<\/strong> because, while human social evolution has resulted in the formation of hierarchy, nobody likes acknowledging this structure or their relative position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The following cues demonstrate confidence and power or a desire for power. (If someone doesn\u2019t have power yet but displays all the cues, there\u2019s a good chance they\u2019ll get power because the cues attract others.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Relaxed body and face<\/li><li>Slight closing of the eyelids<\/li><li>Making frequent eye contact<\/li><li>Less frequent smiling<\/li><li>Smiling tightly in response to something said<\/li><li>Touching people, such as back pats<\/li><li>Tall posture<\/li><li>Taking up physical space in a meeting and creating space around themselves<\/li><li>Arriving late<\/li><li>Punctuating (when there\u2019s an argument, they\u2019ll find a way to make it look like the other person started it)<\/li><li>Showing feelings such as boredom and annoyance<\/li><li>Being imitated by others<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>People who have power but are scared to lose it exhibit the following cues:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Speaking with tension or hesitation<\/li><li>High-pitched voices<\/li><li>Talking animatedly without moving the body<\/li><li>Frequent blinking and controlled eye movements<\/li><li>Nervous wide eyes<\/li><li>Fake smiling and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/advantages-of-laughing\/\">laughing<\/a><\/li><li>Touching themselves to calm themselves<\/li><li>Being over-assertive to cover up insecurity\u00a0<\/li><li>Giving off mixed signals<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-deception\"><strong>Deception<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Humans are inherently gullible because we want to believe that nice-sounding things\u2014such as that all people are good\u2014are true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People purposefully use the following cues to try to distract you from whatever it is they\u2019re really feeling and thinking:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Over-animation, such as smiling frequently, joking, and being very friendly<\/li><li>Expressing conviction\u00a0<\/li><li>Expressing mixed signals in which one part of the body is expressive but other parts are tense. The face and mouth are easiest to control, so this is often the animated part, but the animation can also be gesturing.<\/li><li>Freezing when questioned<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>The best deceivers are aware of the above cues and do the opposite by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Stilling their faces and acting serious<\/li><li>Giving logical explanations<\/li><li>Acting competent<\/li><li>Being boring<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-use-nonverbal-cues\"><strong>3. Use Nonverbal Cues<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Debra Fine\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-fine-art-of-small-talk\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a> accounts for most of the social meaning of a situation. We\u2019ve just discussed <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a> to the other person\u2019s body language. Another component of active listening is<strong> using <em>your <\/em>body language to communicate your interest and engagement.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you converse, Fine recommends you <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/act-as-if\/\">act as if<\/a> there were no distractions in the room.<\/strong> Face your partner openly and directly, and smile. Nod at appropriate times, showing that you\u2019re tracking with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Making eye contact also contributes to the conversation.<\/strong> In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-talk-to-anyone\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>How to Talk to Anyone<\/em><\/a>, Leil Lowndes argues that strong eye contact is more likely to invite a positive response because it makes the recipient feel like they\u2019ve captivated you. If you have trouble maintaining eye contact, Fine suggests you look at the space between their eyes instead of directly at them; they won&#8217;t be able to tell the difference. If you must look away, do so slowly and reluctantly\u2014as if you\u2019re so enthralled that you can\u2019t look away. To make it less intense, let your eyes bounce between your recipient and what else you\u2019re looking at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Be aware of what your body language implies.<\/strong> Don\u2019t cross your arms and legs, place your hands on your hips, or rest your chin in your hand. Don\u2019t fidget or keep your head down. Fine notes that these signs are typically interpreted as disinterest, disagreement, or hostility.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Alternatively, <strong>leaning forward communicates interest in the other person<\/strong>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-like-switch\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Like Switch<\/em><\/a> by Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins explains. Generally, people with good rapport orient their torsos toward each other during a conversation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-be-mindful-of-how-you-respond\"><strong>4. Be Mindful of How You Respond<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Verbal cues, <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-fine-art-of-small-talk\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em><\/a> explains, add to the reassurance provided by visual cues. <strong>Verbally indicating that you\u2019re present and aware encourages the speaker to keep speaking.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fine notes that you can use verbal cues to show you understand, agree, disagree, or want to hear more. For example, you can say, \u201cHmm, I see \u2026 \u201d or \u201cWhat makes you feel that way?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can also use verbal cues to transition to another topic. Here are a couple of examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cThat reminds me\u2014I\u2019ve heard that \u2026 . What do you think about that?\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cSince you\u2019re an engineer, I wonder if you could explain \u2026 .\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Like the visual cues we display through our body language, the purpose of verbal cues is to inform the speaker that you\u2019re still listening, that you\u2019re still interested, and that you\u2019d like them to continue speaking. In short, you\u2019re giving encouragement and reassurance. If you have trouble seeing the value in this, imagine you\u2019re describing your symptoms to a doctor and she just sits there, staring at you, until you finish. That would be disconcerting! Instead, you\u2019d likely prefer that she nodded along, hummed thoughtfully, and occasionally asked elaborating questions, like, \u201cHow long has this been going on?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>One helpful verbal cue,<\/strong> the author suggests,<strong> is to paraphrase and repeat<\/strong>. This technique lets you clarify that you understood the other person correctly or helps them recognize where you misunderstood what they were trying to say.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some common ways to paraphrase and repeat:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cWait, you mean he <em>actually said<\/em> that he doesn\u2019t care what you think?\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cSo, it\u2019s the <em>left<\/em> outlet you want me to plug it into?\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cSir, I just want to be sure. You\u2019re asking me to order seven <em>thousand<\/em> copies?\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-wrapping-up\"><strong>Wrapping Up<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The other person will appreciate you using each of these components of active listening in your conversation. If you\u2019re lucky, they\u2019ll reciprocate your respect for them by taking the time to listen to what you have to say with their full attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Are there any other important components of active listening? If so, leave us your suggestions in the comments below!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why is it important to be a great listener? What are the major components of active listening? When done right, active listening shows respect to the other person you\u2019re engaging with. You\u2019ll show that you care about the discussion and want to know more about what the person is saying.&nbsp; We\u2019ll look at the benefits of active listening and how you can practice this essential skill in any conversation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":8136,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[452],"class_list":["post-104783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-guides","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The 4 Components of Active Listening for Better Conversations - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Listening is just as crucial as talking. Practice these components of active listening, and you won&#039;t miss what people communicate.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The 4 Components of Active Listening for Better Conversations\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Listening is just as crucial as talking. Practice these components of active listening, and you won&#039;t miss what people communicate.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-06-09T20:25:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-06-09T20:28:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/communication-7-habits-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1703\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\"},\"headline\":\"The 4 Components of Active Listening for Better Conversations\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-06-09T20:25:57+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-06-09T20:28:08+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/\"},\"wordCount\":1850,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/communication-7-habits-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Guides\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/\",\"name\":\"The 4 Components of Active Listening for Better Conversations - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/components-of-active-listening\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/communication-7-habits-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-06-09T20:25:57+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-06-09T20:28:08+00:00\",\"description\":\"Listening is just as crucial as talking. 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