{"id":104402,"date":"2023-06-02T15:26:00","date_gmt":"2023-06-02T19:26:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=104402"},"modified":"2023-06-07T12:27:27","modified_gmt":"2023-06-07T16:27:27","slug":"how-to-find-your-values","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-find-your-values\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Find Your Values: 3 Ways to Live a Fulfilling Lifestyle"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you feel unaligned with your values? How can you find worthy values to live by?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A crucial part of feeling happier is determining what your values are. To achieve this, you need to take three steps: accept yourself as you are<\/a>, assess your current beliefs and values, and identify gratifying experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn how to find your values<\/a> that fit your standards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

1) Accept Yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The first step toward learning how to find your values is to let go of your need to seek external validation<\/a>. Neil Pasricha (The Happiness Equation<\/em><\/a>) suggests that you can free yourself from the need for validation by accepting who you are<\/a> and what you<\/em> need to feel happy.<\/strong> This shift in thinking encourages a cycle of happiness and satisfaction: Self-acceptance inspires you to align your behaviors and decisions with what makes you<\/em> happy<\/a>. This alignment encourages positive self-judgment and influences you to make decisions that further increase your happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, the more you encourage positive self-judgment, the less time you waste thinking about how others perceive you. This helps you accept yourself exactly as you are and frees you from the pressure of adapting to please or impress others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Assess Your Current Opinions and Beliefs<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

An important part of accepting yourself<\/a> and clarifying what you want out of life<\/a> is assessing whether your current opinions and beliefs align with who you really are<\/a> or if they only exist to please or impress others. Brianna Wiest (The Mountain Is You<\/em><\/a>) suggests that you can dissect each of your opinions and beliefs<\/a> by asking yourself the following four questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. When was the first time you came across this idea?<\/strong> For example, you believe that people should not make mistakes. You remember overhearing your parents punishing one of your siblings for making errors on a spelling test. <\/li>
  2. How does this idea influence your judgment of yourself, other people, and your experiences?<\/strong> Your belief that people should not make mistakes compels you to be overly critical of yourself and others. It also makes you feel resentful of the experiences that don\u2019t live up to your perfect standards.<\/li>
  3. How might adopting opposing ideas impact you?<\/strong> If instead, you choose to believe that it\u2019s okay to make mistakes<\/a>, you might find it easier to accept and forgive yourself<\/a> and others for making mistakes. You might also be less inclined to notice mistakes in the first place.<\/li>
  4. How would you choose to think about this if your thoughts were already aligned with who you really are? <\/strong>Your aligned self sees mistakes as a valuable part of learning. Therefore, there\u2019s no need to feel critical of yourself or others for making mistakes.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Distinguish Between Positive and Negative Values<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Beyond assessing whether your values are truly yours or if they\u2019re informed by others, think about whether your current values are \u201cpositive\u201d or \u201cnegative<\/em>.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    According to Jay Shetty (Think Like a Monk<\/em><\/a>), values that inspire positive thoughts<\/a>, such as compassion or kindness, are true values that elevate you to a state of happiness, fulfillment, and meaning<\/strong><\/a>. On the other hand, values that inspire negative thoughts, such as fear, greed, or envy, are false values that demote you to a state of suffering, dissatisfaction, and anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck<\/em><\/a>) considers the difference between positive and negative values a bit differently:<\/p>\n\n\n\n