{"id":104392,"date":"2023-06-07T09:25:00","date_gmt":"2023-06-07T13:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=104392"},"modified":"2023-06-07T12:27:40","modified_gmt":"2023-06-07T16:27:40","slug":"how-to-live-your-best-life-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Live Your Best Life: Advice From Motivational Experts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you feel like you&#8217;re stuck in the wrong life? What&#8217;s the key to living your best life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many authors have tackled why people feel so unhappy with their lives. While they all take different approaches, they seem to agree on one thing: knowing your values and living in alignment with them will make you feel satisfied with your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Below we&#8217;ll look at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life\/\">how to live your best life<\/a> by comparing experts&#8217; advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-part-1-why-aren-t-you-living-your-best-life\"><strong>Part 1: Why Aren\u2019t You Living Your Best Life?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In order to learn how to live your best life, you need to know why you might struggle to feel satisfied with your life. According to multiple authors, many people feel unsatisfied with the direction their lives are moving in because they\u2019re not clear about their values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to former Vedic monk Jay Shetty (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/think-like-a-monk\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Think Like a Monk<\/em><\/a>), your values are the core beliefs that you choose to live by\u2014they determine <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be-2\/\">who you want to be<\/a> and how you treat yourself and others. They shape how you think, color your perceptions, motivate your behavior, and guide your decisions. In sum, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/think-like-a-monk\/1-page-summary#satisfaction-and-happiness-come-from-having-clear-values\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>your values determine who you are and what you need to feel happy<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-values-impact-happiness\"><strong>How Values Impact Happiness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Shetty claims that values allow you to understand the meaning underlying everything you do\u2014<strong>the degree to which you live in alignment with your values determines how meaningful your life experiences feel to you<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/designing-your-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Designing Your Life<\/em><\/a>, Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans put it this way: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/designing-your-life#awareness-of-your-priorities-creates-coherency\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Satisfaction comes from <em>living coherently<\/em><\/a>\u2014<strong>it\u2019s easy to find meaning in what you do and feel good about the direction of your life when your priorities and behaviors are aligned<\/strong>. On the other hand, when your actions and goals don\u2019t reflect what\u2019s important to you, you\u2019re more likely to feel internal conflict that hinders your ability to feel good about what you\u2019re doing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-your-current-values-aren-t-making-you-happy\"><strong>Why Your Current Values Aren&#8217;t Making You Happy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You might feel that you <em>are<\/em> living your values, but still feel unhappy with your life\u2014why is that? In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/101-essays-that-will-change-the-way-you-think\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>poet Brianna Wiest suggests that <strong>you\u2019re likely living according to values that aren\u2019t actually <em>yours<\/em><\/strong>. According to her, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/101-essays-that-will-change-the-way-you-think#you-subconsciously-think-like-others-to-feel-happy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">you never consciously chose your beliefs and values<\/a>. Rather, you subconsciously adopted the beliefs and values of your family, your friends, and your culture.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She explains that these adopted beliefs and values influence your entire worldview: how you judge the world, your place in it, and the circumstances you face. In other words, everything you\u2019ve ever thought of as good, bad, right, wrong, beautiful, or ugly has simply been a reflection of the way other people have influenced you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maxwell Maltz (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/psycho-cybernetics\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Psycho-Cybernetics<\/em><\/a>) explains it like this: You\u2019ve been \u201chypnotized\u201d by others\u2019 words throughout your life. As a young child, you were impressionable and prone to believing what others said about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">who you are<\/a> and what beliefs you should live by. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/psycho-cybernetics\/chapter-2#what-influences-your-self-image\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">You accepted their opinions and beliefs about you as truth<\/a> and this shaped your self-image and values in the early part of your life.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-you-adopt-others-values-even-if-they-make-you-unhappy\"><strong>Why You Adopt Others\u2019 Values\u2014Even If They Make You Unhappy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Multiple authors, including Wiest, Maltz, and Shetty suggest that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/101-essays-that-will-change-the-way-you-think#you-subconsciously-think-like-others-to-feel-happy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>the compulsion to adopt others\u2019 values as your own comes from the need for external validation<\/strong><\/a>. This need was conditioned in you early on in life when you likely found that conforming to the expectations of other people was the only way you could experience comfort and happiness:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>If you acted according to their desires and expectations, you were rewarded\u2014for example, with extra attention and affection. This made you feel comfortable and happy.&nbsp;<\/li><li>If you acted against their desires and expectations, you were punished\u2014for example, with rejection or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/social-humiliation\/\">social humiliation<\/a>. This made you feel uncomfortable and unhappy.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Maltz, your self-image and values have likely evolved since your childhood. However, until you consciously address the thoughts and beliefs that influenced you, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/psycho-cybernetics\/chapter-2#what-influences-your-self-image\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">they will continue to subconsciously inform your motivations and behaviors<\/a>.&nbsp;<strong>Letting the pursuit of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/seeking-validation-from-others-3\/\">external validation<\/a> rule your life inevitably leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-part-2-clarify-what-you-want-out-of-life\"><strong>Part 2: Clarify What You Want Out of Life<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you understand how living out of alignment with your values holds you back from living your best life, let&#8217;s explore the first step toward feeling happier: Determining what your values are. To achieve this, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-accept-yourself\/\">accept yourself as you are<\/a>, assess how your current beliefs and values make you feel, and explore various approaches to identify what types of experiences make you feel happy and satisfied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-accept-yourself\"><strong>1) Accept Yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The first step toward clarifying <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-figure-out-what-you-want-in-life-2\/\">what you want out of life<\/a> is to let go of your need to seek external validation. Pasricha suggests that <strong>you can free yourself from the need for validation by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-accept-yourself-for-who-you-are-2\/\">accepting who you are<\/a> and what <em>you<\/em> need to feel happy.<\/strong> This shift in thinking encourages a cycle of happiness and satisfaction: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-happiness-equation#solution-accept-who-you-are-and-figure-out-what-makes-you-happy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Self-acceptance inspires you to align your behaviors and decisions with what makes <em>you<\/em> happy<\/a>. This alignment encourages positive self-judgment and influences you to make decisions that further increase your happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, the more you encourage positive self-judgment, the less time you waste thinking about how others perceive you. This helps you accept yourself exactly as you are and frees you from the pressure of adapting to please or impress others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-assess-your-current-opinions-and-beliefs\"><strong>2) Assess Your Current Opinions and Beliefs<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>An important part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accept-your-flaws\/\">accepting yourself<\/a> and clarifying what you want out of life is assessing whether your current opinions and beliefs align with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-your-true-self\/\">who you really are<\/a> or if they only exist to please or impress others. Wiest suggests that you can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/101-essays-that-will-change-the-way-you-think#method-3-assess-your-current-opinions-and-beliefs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">dissect each of your opinions and beliefs<\/a> by asking yourself the following four questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>When was the first time you came across this idea?<\/strong> For example, you believe that people should not make mistakes. You remember overhearing your parents punishing one of your siblings for making errors on a spelling test.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>How does this idea influence your judgment of yourself, other people, and your experiences?<\/strong> Your belief that people should not make mistakes compels you to be overly critical of yourself and others. It also makes you feel resentful of the experiences that don\u2019t live up to your perfect standards.<\/li><li><strong>How might adopting opposing ideas impact you?<\/strong> If instead, you choose to believe that it\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/its-okay-to-make-mistakes\/\">okay to make mistakes<\/a>, you might find it easier to accept and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-forgiveness\/\">forgive yourself<\/a> and others for making mistakes. You might also be less inclined to notice mistakes in the first place.<\/li><li><strong>How would you choose to think about this if your thoughts were already aligned with who you really are? <\/strong>Your aligned self sees mistakes as a valuable part of learning. Therefore, there\u2019s no need to feel critical of yourself or others for making mistakes.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-part-3-commit-to-living-your-values\"><strong>Part 3: Commit to Living Your Values<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you\u2019ve <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-identify-your-values\/\">identified your values<\/a> and what you want out of life, let\u2019s explore different ways to start living in alignment with your values and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-make-changes-to-your-life\/\">make changes to your life<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-set-life-rules\"><strong>1) Set Life Rules<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Wiest says you must <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-mountain-is-you#action-3-identify-and-take-steps-toward-your-ideal-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>create <em>life rules<\/em> that will help you live in alignment with your values<\/strong><\/a>. These rules should represent personal commitments that you believe in and that will shape your life in the long term. For example, if you have a life rule to cut ties with people who regularly make you feel bad, you\u2019ll live a life surrounded by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/positive-personality\/\">positive people<\/a> who encourage you to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-your-best-self\/\">be your best self<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Life rules will encourage you to continually live in alignment with your values, and help you overcome barriers<\/strong> that may cause you to stray from your intended path. Living by your rules will ensure that you\u2019re happy and always progressing toward the best version of yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Making rules around <em>all<\/em> your values might be overwhelming, and having too many values may restrict your ability to commit to the things that are <em>most<\/em> important. Try <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/dare-to-lead\/chapter-2#choosing-practicing-your-values\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">choosing the <em>two<\/em> most important values on your list and prioritizing them<\/a>, as Bren\u00e9 Brown recommends in <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/dare-to-lead\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Dare to Lead<\/em><\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-align-your-goals-with-your-true-self\"><strong>2) Align Your Goals With Your True Self<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>One way to commit to living your values is to choose goals that are important to <em>you<\/em>, and therefore feel more meaningful than the goals other people expect from you. Focus on the following three areas to set appropriate goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Enjoyable activities<\/li><li>Innate gifts and talents<\/li><li>Meditate with your ideal self<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-establish-a-schedule-around-your-values-based-goals\"><strong>3) Establish a Schedule Around Your Values-Based Goals<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Nir Eyal (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/indistractable\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Indistractable<\/em><\/a>) suggests that one way to live better aligned with your values is to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/indistractable#part-2-build-your-schedule-around-your-values\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">build a schedule that helps you prioritize them<\/a>. This will ensure that you have time for the things that matter to you\u2014which will make your life feel happier and more fulfilling. He recommends creating a schedule around your values in three areas of your life: you, your relationships, and your work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1) You:<\/strong> Think about who you want to be and the qualities you want to have, and what value-aligned activities you can schedule. For example, if you value \u201cmindfulness,\u201d schedule 15 minutes of gratitude reflection in the morning. If you value \u201cstaying healthy,\u201d schedule an hour-long walk every morning.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2) Your relationships: <\/strong>Make time for <em>non-negotiable<\/em> <em>commitments<\/em> to your relationships with your family and friends every week. For example, schedule device-free hours with your children every Saturday, a weekly date night with your spouse, and bi-weekly drinks with your group of friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>3) Your work:<\/strong> Consider areas where you might reprioritize or cut out work tasks that don\u2019t align with what you want to do and who you want to be. For example, if you value &#8220;creativity,&#8221; allocate time each week for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-brainstorm-effectively\/\">brainstorming<\/a> and pursuing innovative ideas. If you value &#8220;continuous learning,&#8221; schedule regular blocks of time for professional development or attending relevant workshops and conferences.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you feel like you&#8217;re stuck in the wrong life? What&#8217;s the key to living your best life? Many authors have tackled why people feel so unhappy with their lives. While they all take different approaches, they seem to agree on one thing: knowing your values and living in alignment with them will make you feel satisfied with your life. Below we&#8217;ll look at how to live your best life by comparing experts&#8217; advice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":33795,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,43],"tags":[1050],"class_list":["post-104392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-self-improvement","tag-the-master-guides-living-your-best-life","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Live Your Best Life: Advice From Motivational Experts - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you want your life to feel more meaningful and positive? If so, you need to put in the effort. Learn how to live your best life today.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Live Your Best Life: Advice From Motivational Experts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you want your life to feel more meaningful and positive? If so, you need to put in the effort. Learn how to live your best life today.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-06-07T13:25:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-06-07T16:27:40+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/happy-girl.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1243\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"706\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\"},\"headline\":\"How to Live Your Best Life: Advice From Motivational Experts\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-06-07T13:25:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-06-07T16:27:40+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/\"},\"wordCount\":1660,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/happy-girl.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Master Guides: Living Your Best Life\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lifestyle\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/\",\"name\":\"How to Live Your Best Life: Advice From Motivational Experts - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-live-your-best-life-2\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/happy-girl.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-06-07T13:25:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-06-07T16:27:40+00:00\",\"description\":\"Do you want your life to feel more meaningful and positive? 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