{"id":103184,"date":"2023-05-20T12:32:46","date_gmt":"2023-05-20T16:32:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=103184"},"modified":"2023-05-25T15:49:18","modified_gmt":"2023-05-25T19:49:18","slug":"kathy-loreno-if-you-tell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/kathy-loreno-if-you-tell\/","title":{"rendered":"Kathy Loreno: If You Tell’s Unfortunate Betrayal Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Who is Kathy Loreno? How was she betrayed by her best friend on her deathbed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In If You Tell<\/em>, Kathy Loreno is named as one of Shelly Knotek’s many victims. Unlike Shelly’s daughters, Kathy couldn’t escape the abuse and died in the home that belonged to her best friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn more about Kathy’s last years of torture under Shelly’s roof.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Abuse, Torture, and Murder of Kathy Loreno<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Shortly after Shelly’s nephew Shane came to live with them, explains Olsen in If You Tell<\/em>, Kathy Loreno moved in with them. She\u2019d had a string of bad luck, had a strained relationship with her family, and was broke and needed a place to stay. She was described as a pleaser and a giver, kind and empathetic to everyone. Shelly offered to let Kathy stay with them in exchange for helping out with the kids<\/strong> Nikki, Sami, and Tori\u2014whom Kathy adored\u2014and around the house. She also helped care for Shelly during her cancer \u201ctreatments,\u201d unaware that she was faking them. Kathy needed help, but the most enticing thing Shelly offered her was the chance to be needed herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Kathy\u2019s personality is reflective of people-pleasing tendencies and fits the \u201cpleaser\u201d personality archetype<\/a>. Pleasers are particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of by people with controlling or toxic personalities because of their willingness to appease others through any means necessary<\/a>. This includes ignoring their own needs, allowing others to violate their boundaries, and losing their sense of self in relationships. Pleasers are not at fault for others\u2019 decisions to mistreat them, but people with pleasing personalities can take steps to protect themselves<\/a>. These include seeking care from trauma-informed therapists, staying on the lookout for red flags in relationships, and setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a slow transition, but eventually Shelly began abusing and degrading Kathy. She forced her to work around the house all day and beat her when she wasn\u2019t satisfied with her work. Shelly always said Kathy was forcing her to do it by arguing and not doing what she was told<\/strong>. After instances of abuse, Shelly would behave lovingly and give Kathy pills to take. Olsen doesn\u2019t note which drugs Shelly was giving Kathy, but based on what Nikki and Shane found in Shelly\u2019s medicine cabinet\u2014and their own experiences being drugged by Shelly\u2014they may have included anything from beta-blockers to SSRIs to muscle relaxers to tranquilizers. She also gaslit Kathy to make her believe she was sleepwalking<\/a> and misbehaving unknowingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Abusers will often drug their victims for various reasons<\/a>. Drugging a victim can make it easier to control them, as they\u2019ll be less aware of what\u2019s happening to them. It can also make it harder for the victim to escape, as they may become ill or physically dependent on the drugs. Shelly\u2019s drugging may have been part of the reason Kathy never left.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shelly began confiscating Kathy\u2019s belongings as punishment, saying she wasn\u2019t grateful enough for what Shelly did for her\u2014ultimately taking away all her possessions including clothing. Kathy was forced to work naked around the house and had to get permission to use the bathroom or shower. Eventually, she wasn\u2019t allowed to bathe in the house at all and instead was hosed down in the yard. Later, Shelly began pouring bleach on her as well, duct-taping her mouth so she wouldn\u2019t scream and get the neighbors\u2019 attention. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shane, Nikki, and Sami pitied Kathy and felt she was foolish for staying, but they were also relieved to have someone else be the focus of Shelly\u2019s rage. Kathy had a car and was an adult, so they didn\u2019t understand why she didn\u2019t just leave. The kids learned to turn a blind eye to Kathy\u2019s abuse in order to keep themselves safe<\/strong>, but what they witnessed as a result permanently traumatized them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: There are many reasons why abuse victims stay<\/a> in abusive situations. Abusers go to great lengths to make the victim feel like escape is not an option, and leaving can be extremely dangerous<\/a> if the abuser is able to track them down\u2014as Shelly had a knack for doing. It can also be difficult to leave if the victim has little or no financial or familial support system, which was Kathy\u2019s case. Additionally, victims often hold out hope that the relationship will return to the way it was before the abuse began, and they may also feel guilty about leaving if the abuser is\u2014or pretends to be\u2014ill.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Throughout the abuse, Shelly presented herself to Kathy as a loving protector who would keep others from hurting her<\/strong>, which was a similar tactic that she\u2019d used with the children. Eventually Shelly began forcing the children to participate in Kathy\u2019s abuse, especially Shane. He was forced to hit and kick her, and by making Kathy afraid of Shane, Shelly was able to reinforce the illusion that she was only trying to protect Kathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Shelly\u2019s tactic of pitting her victims against each other is an abuse tactic known as triangulation<\/em><\/a>. This allows the abuser to take a two-against-one approach to inflicting harm on their victim, giving the abuser a greater sense of control<\/a> and superiority, and making the victim feel isolated.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kathy\u2019s Decline and Death<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Over the five years that she lived with the Knoteks, Kathy\u2019s body deteriorated<\/strong>, Olsen explains. She lost 100 pounds, her teeth and hair fell out, and her body was bruised all over. Even throughout this, she wouldn\u2019t let the children help her because she didn\u2019t want them to be abused as well\u2014and she also knew it wouldn\u2019t do any good. There was no stopping Shelly. Nikki was struck by what a good person Kathy was to be able to empathize with them while undergoing such mistreatment.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, Kathy deteriorated so much that she could barely walk or stand. Her personality was gone, and she had experienced clear cognitive decline, unable to keep her balance or speak clearly. She had difficulty breathing all the time. Toward the end, she seemed only vaguely aware of her surroundings and was almost unresponsive. Shelly\u2019s punishments by this point had expanded to include waterboarding\u2014which was carried out by Dave\u2014forcing her to drink smoothies made from rotten food and forcing her to eat a cup full of salt. The children watched in helpless horror as Kathy got worse, while Shelly insisted it was all for her own good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Physical Decline Caused by Trauma<\/strong>

Kathy\u2019s physical deterioration may have resulted from a combination of malnourishment, stress, and physical injury from the abuse. Both stress<\/a> and malnourishment<\/a> affect the balance of bacteria and acid in your mouth, which can cause tooth decay.

Chronic stress<\/a> can also cause your hair follicles to go into a resting state<\/a>, which can cause it to fall out, and a deficiency of nutrients like protein can cause hair loss<\/a> because it deprives your body of the necessary materials to produce hair.

The stress from trauma can also cause cognitive decline, and research suggests that such decline is more severe in individuals who experienced trauma as adults<\/a> than as children. Additionally, Kathy\u2019s continued empathy may have been the result of her personality, but it could also have been a response to childhood trauma<\/a>.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

One day, in July 1994, as Kathy was lying on her bed in the laundry room, Dave heard her making a strange gurgling sound. He went in to check on her and found her asphyxiating on her own vomit. He was unable to revive her, and she died. Despite the condition she\u2019d been reduced to, Shelly seemed genuinely surprised that Kathy died and confused as to why<\/strong>. As Dave and Shelly were arguing in the yard, Shane and Nikki snuck down to Kathy\u2019s room to find out what was going on and discovered that she was dead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: It\u2019s typically not possible for someone to asphyxiate on their own vomit unless they\u2019re inebriated or impaired in some way<\/a>. Kathy\u2019s physical weakness likely kept her from waking or being able to roll over when she vomited. If you\u2019re ever in a situation with someone who is choking on their own vomit, you can use the Bacchus maneuver<\/a> to place them into a position that should keep them from asphyxiating. You should then call 911.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shelly took the girls to stay at a motel. With Shane\u2019s unwilling help, Dave burned Kathy\u2019s body in the yard<\/strong>, and Shelly told the children that they had to keep what had happened a secret or they would all go to jail. She told them Kathy had run off with her boyfriend Rocky and drilled them on the story, making sure they knew what to say if anyone ever asked about Kathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Lying is another common tactic<\/a> that abusers use to control their victims\u2019 perception of reality<\/a> and avoid responsibility<\/a> for their own harmful actions. It can manifest as small white lies, broken promises, feigned forgetfulness, or\u2014as in this case\u2014a complete falsehood. Lying is particularly common in psychopathic abuse<\/a>.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Who is Kathy Loreno? How was she betrayed by her best friend on her deathbed? In If You Tell, Kathy Loreno is named as one of Shelly Knotek’s many victims. Unlike Shelly’s daughters, Kathy couldn’t escape the abuse and died in the home that belonged to her best friend. Continue reading to learn more about Kathy’s last years of torture under Shelly’s roof.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":16197,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,33,9],"tags":[1035],"class_list":["post-103184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-history","category-people","category-psychology","tag-if-you-tell","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nKathy Loreno: If You Tell's Unfortunate Betrayal Story - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If You Tell's Kathy Loreno and Shelly Knotek were best friends until Kathy began to live at Shelly's house. 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