{"id":102401,"date":"2023-05-22T13:30:07","date_gmt":"2023-05-22T17:30:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102401"},"modified":"2023-05-23T13:37:42","modified_gmt":"2023-05-23T17:37:42","slug":"how-to-deal-with-change-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-change-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Change in a Relationship’s Phases"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you sometimes wish you were back in the honeymoon phase? How do you deal with change in a relationship<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David Richo argues that all successful relationships happen in three phases\u2014the honeymoon phase, the discordant phase, and the devotion phase. Mindful loving enables you to transition between these phases in a way that makes your relationship stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn how to deal with change<\/a> in a relationship so that it doesn’t sour over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Mindful Loving in the Honeymoon Phase<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To understand how to deal with change in a relationship, you need to know what phase of the relationship you’re in. In the honeymoon phase, romance is at a high and you express mindful love<\/a> easily.<\/strong> You act like the best version of yourself, and so does your partner, so you\u2019re both swept away by the illusion that your partner is perfect or nearly perfect. As a result, it\u2019s easy for you and your partner to practice Gratitude<\/a>, Respect, Engagement, Attention, and Tenderness (GREAT) with each other and affirm one another\u2019s inherent lovability. This helps you build a mutually loving foundation upon which the rest of the relationship can rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Neuroscientists say that the high you experience during the honeymoon stage is caused by physiological changes in your brain<\/a>. You\u2019re so enthralled by your partner that just looking at or thinking about them activates the chemicals in your brain responsible for desire, connection, and euphoric feelings. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so easy to practice the GREAT model with each other in this stage\u2014these neurochemicals make you feel good, so you\u2019re motivated to keep being intimate with your partner<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mindful Loving in the Discordant Phase<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Richo says that you and your partner will inevitably leave the honeymoon stage and enter the discordant phase <\/strong>when you begin to have conflict with each other. <\/strong>In this stage, you\u2019ll see each other as flawed for the first time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Richo, conflict can be resolved more easily and strengthen your relationship if you approach it in a mindfully loving way<\/strong>: as an opportunity to get to know and accept each other more fully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The mindfully loving approach to conflict<\/a> doesn\u2019t just strengthen your relationship\u2014it also supports your physical health. Studies show that if conflict happens too often or for too long in your relationship, it may lead to chronic stress<\/a>. Stress can make you sick\u2014it lowers your immunity to illnesses, causes inactive health issues to flare up, and can result in chronic pains like frequent headaches. In contrast, couples who resolve conflict in a healthy, timely way are healthier in the long run<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To resolve conflicts in a mindfully loving way, Rico says you have to put your ego<\/a> aside and focus on cooperating with your partner instead of on winning the argument. <\/strong>More specifically, you and your partner should listen to and validate each other\u2019s feelings about the conflict, practicing each of the five components of the GREAT model all the while. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, say that your partner is upset with you because they feel like they do more of the household chores than you. To practice the GREAT model in this situation, you could:<\/p>\n\n\n\n