{"id":102392,"date":"2023-05-19T13:14:59","date_gmt":"2023-05-19T17:14:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102392"},"modified":"2026-01-22T16:49:33","modified_gmt":"2026-01-22T20:49:33","slug":"how-to-treat-childhood-trauma-in-adults","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-treat-childhood-trauma-in-adults\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Treat Childhood Trauma in Adults: 3 Ways to Heal"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are elements of your childhood creeping into your relationships? Can adults be treated for childhood trauma?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People can go years without <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/treating-childhood-trauma\/\">treating childhood trauma<\/a> or even realizing that they&#8217;re suffering from it. For those who have accepted that it&#8217;s negatively affecting their lives, <em>How to Be an Adult in Relationships<\/em> by David Richo has three practices that will help heal those wounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s how to treat childhood <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/unresolved-trauma-in-adults\/\">trauma in adults<\/a> so they can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-learn-to-love\/\">learn to love<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-heal-your-childhood-wounds-and-grow-emotionally\"><strong>How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Grow Emotionally<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Richo says that you can learn how to treat <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/childhood-trauma-in-adults\/\">childhood trauma in adults<\/a> and reach <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-emotionally-mature\/\">emotional maturity<\/a> by learning to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/mindful-love\/\">mindfully love<\/a> <em>yourself.<\/em><\/strong> Loving yourself leads to maturity because it gives you a strong <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/sense-of-self-worth\/\">sense of self-worth<\/a> and a sense of responsibility for meeting your own needs.<strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: This process\u2014giving yourself the love your parents couldn\u2019t\u2014is commonly known as <em>reparenting yourself. <\/em>Reparenting yourself involves, essentially,&nbsp; treating yourself like a&nbsp; parent <em>should<\/em> treat their child: keeping them safe, loved, and equipped with the skills and support they need to thrive. As you take care of this \u201cinner child,\u201d you\u2019ll heal her wounds\u2014and will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/they-re-not-coming\/202012\/get-your-inner-child-out-the-drivers-seat\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stop repeating unhealthy patterns and behaviors that stemmed from an impulse to soothe your inner child\u2019s pain.<\/a> Instead, you\u2019ll start to make rational, adult decisions that are <em>good <\/em>for you.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Richo suggests three key self-love practices that can help you mature: <em>recognizing your inherent lovability, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/setting-healthy-boundaries-2\/\">setting healthy boundaries<\/a> with others, <\/em>and <em>compassionately <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/validate-yourself\/\">validating yourself<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Self-Love Practice #1: Recognize Your Inherent Lovability<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Recall that Richo says that all living things\u2014<em>including you\u2014<\/em>are inherently lovable. <strong>According to Richo, it\u2019s important to see yourself as inherently lovable because this helps you <\/strong><strong><em>treat <\/em><\/strong><strong>yourself with love. <\/strong>You\u2019ll be more inclined to take good care of yourself\u2014for example, by speaking to yourself kindly\u2014and less inclined to accept unloving treatment from anyone, yourself included.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/radical-acceptance\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Radical Acceptance<\/em><\/a>, Tara Brach explains that most people find it hard to access their inherent lovability because they feel ashamed and guilty about past mistakes. She recommends moving past these barriers with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/radical-acceptance\/chapter-10\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>self-forgiveness<\/em>:<em> <\/em>the practice of welcoming your own feelings, acknowledging the good parts of yourself, and moving forward with greater compassion<\/a>. This process teaches you that your mistakes don\u2019t make you a bad person\u2014you\u2019re still capable of goodness and love, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/radical-acceptance\/chapter-10\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">so you\u2019re still inherently lovable<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Self-Love Practice #2: Set Healthy Boundaries With Others<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>While it was your parents\u2019 job to keep you safe as a child, in adulthood that responsibility is yours alone. Richo says that to protect yourself from physical and emotional harm, <strong>you have to learn to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/personal\/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries\/\">set healthy boundaries<\/a>. <\/strong>Boundaries are the expectations you have about the kinds of behavior you will and won\u2019t tolerate from others. For example, if you\u2019re monogamous, you might not be comfortable with your partner flirting with other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Before you can be ready for a relationship, you should have a general sense of what your boundaries are and feel capable of enforcing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/set-boundaries-find-peace\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Nedra Glover Tawwab says that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/set-boundaries-find-peace\/1-page-summary#how-to-set-boundaries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">setting boundaries is a three-step process<\/a>: First, identify your standards for how people should treat you physically and socially. Then, clearly <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/personal\/how-to-communicate-boundaries\/\">communicate your boundaries<\/a> during uncomfortable situations. Finally, reinforce your boundaries by restating them when they\u2019re violated and setting consequences for repeat offenses.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Self-Love Practice #3: Compassionately Validate Yourself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Richo\u2019s third practice for reaching emotional maturity is<strong> facing your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-heal-childhood-wounds\/\">childhood wounds<\/a> with compassionate validation: Acknowledge the ways you were hurt and underloved in childhood, and lovingly address your own pain.<\/strong> This process shows you that your parents\u2019 inability to love you well was not your fault\u2014that in fact, you deserve and are capable of receiving love from those who<em> <\/em>know how to love well, including yourself. As a result, your sense of self-worth <em>and <\/em>your self-efficacy\u2014your ability to meet your own needs and advocate for yourself\u2014increase.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ricoh says there are four essential steps to processing your childhood wounds with compassionate validation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Remember the painful things that have happened to you.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Fully feel the complicated emotions, like sorrow and fear, that accompanied those experiences.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Be grateful that your childhood wounds made you resilient.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Forgive those who hurt you and extend compassion to others who are in pain.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Tips From Trauma Experts on Healing Your Childhood Wounds<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Healing from your childhood wounds can be a long, complicated, and painful process, especially if your wounds are severe and extensive. To help you make the most of Richo\u2019s advice for healing, we\u2019ve compiled advice from trauma experts that you can apply to each step of the process:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>1) You can avoid getting bogged down by difficult feelings, which can lead to depression, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/making-the-whole-beautiful\/202301\/yes-sweetheart-you-do-get-to-grieve-your-lost-childhood#:~:text=KEY%20POINTS,grieving%20abstract%20and%20intangible%20losses\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">by giving yourself some extra TLC and accepting care from others as you heal.<\/a> Psychologists recommend talking to your loved ones about your feelings, taking good care of yourself physically, and connecting with those with similar experiences by joining support groups or reading others\u2019 stories of grief and healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>2) You do have to remember your own pain in order to heal\u2014but with severe trauma, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/meaningful-you\/201312\/the-power-and-strength-bearing-witness\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">it\u2019s also necessary to have <em>others <\/em>witness and respond compassionately to your pain.<\/a> If you experienced childhood trauma, you may want to seek out a therapist who can help you process your memories without <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/getting-overwhelmed\/\">getting overwhelmed<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>3) If you had <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/traumatic-childhood\/\">traumatic childhood<\/a> experiences, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/mindful-anger\/201804\/9-steps-healing-childhood-trauma-adult#:~:text=Why%20we%20don%E2%80%99t%20always%20feel%20our%20feelings\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">you might be <em>afraid <\/em>of feeling your feelings<\/a>. If that\u2019s the case, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/grounding-techniques\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">grounding exercises<\/a>, which help you feel safe and connected to your present reality, may help you overcome that fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>4) Although Richo says you should be grateful that your wounds made you resilient, some psychologists argue that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wilder.org\/sites\/default\/files\/imports\/AnokaCountyMWCtrauma%20Snapshot_10-14.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">trauma doesn\u2019t actually build resilience\u2014it undermines it.<\/a> Instead of attributing your resilience to trauma, try taking <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/mental-health\/what-is-resilience#how-to-boost-resilience\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">a more proactive approach to increasing it<\/a> by working on your mental health and establishing support systems for yourself.5) Richo says you should forgive those who hurt you because <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/love-and-forgiveness\/\">forgiveness and love<\/a> for your adversaries are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wildmind.org\/metta\/metta-four\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">important ideas in the Buddhist tradition,<\/a> but some psychologists note that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/lost-in-the-reflecting-pool\/202101\/is-forgiveness-necessary-healing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">forgiveness requires working through the issue <em>with<\/em> the person who hurt you<\/a>, which isn\u2019t always possible. If you can\u2019t forgive, that\u2019s OK\u2014you can still move on by processing your feelings and giving yourself time to heal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are elements of your childhood creeping into your relationships? Can adults be treated for childhood trauma? People can go years without treating childhood trauma or even realizing that they&#8217;re suffering from it. For those who have accepted that it&#8217;s negatively affecting their lives, How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo has three practices that will help heal those wounds. Here&#8217;s how to treat childhood trauma in adults so they can learn to love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":44110,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1023],"class_list":["post-102392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-how-to-be-an-adult-in-relationships","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Treat Childhood Trauma in Adults: 3 Ways to Heal - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Your childhood may be a small chunk of your life, but it can affect you for decades. Find out how to treat childhood trauma in adults.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-treat-childhood-trauma-in-adults\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Treat Childhood Trauma in Adults: 3 Ways to Heal\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Your childhood may be a small chunk of your life, but it can affect you for decades. 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