{"id":102380,"date":"2023-05-15T13:32:17","date_gmt":"2023-05-15T17:32:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102380"},"modified":"2023-05-23T13:39:04","modified_gmt":"2023-05-23T17:39:04","slug":"advantages-of-mindfulness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/advantages-of-mindfulness\/","title":{"rendered":"The 3 Advantages of Mindfulness for Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How does mindfulness<\/a> improve romantic relationships? What are the advantages of mindfulness?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David Richo\u2019s relationship advice from How to Be an Adult in Relationships<\/em> is rooted in the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, the practice of witnessing the present without evaluating, judging, or trying to influence it. When you\u2019re mindful, you simply notice what you\u2019re actually experiencing right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To learn more about how you can benefit from practicing mindfulness, keep reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Advantage #1: Mindfulness Encourages You to Face Reality<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Richo argues that one of the advantages of <\/strong>mindfulness is that it enables you to accept reality<\/a> by keeping you tethered to the present. <\/strong>Instead of allowing your mind to come up with interpretations of events that may or may not be accurate, mindfulness requires you to focus on the verifiable facts of a situation\u2014what you\u2019re actually experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In Radical Acceptance<\/em><\/a>, Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach explains that in the Buddhist tradition, facing reality is known as clear comprehension<\/em>, and it\u2019s an important step on the path to greater enlightenment<\/a>. Clear comprehension is liberating because it helps you make necessary changes to your life\u2014you can\u2019t accept <\/em>and address <\/em>dysfunction without first seeing the dysfunction clearly.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Facing Reality Helps Your Relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Richo says that a fuller understanding of reality helps you act appropriately in your relationship. You won\u2019t perceive slights or failures where there aren\u2019t any\u2014and you won\u2019t under- or overreact to them when there are. It\u2019ll be easier to take stock of any situation, weigh your options, and make informed decisions about how to move forward in a healthy way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, your partner forgets your birthday once. <\/em>A mindful response is acceptance of the fact that they simply forgot, rather than interpreting a sign that you\u2019re not important to them. Alternatively, if you notice your partner repeatedly<\/em> forgets your birthday, a mindful response is the conclusion that your birthday is not important to them, rather than an impulse to make excuses for their behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Another way that mindfulness helps you face reality in your relationships is by improving your emotional self-awareness<\/a>. <\/em>According to psychologists, if you mindfully face your feelings as you experience them, you\u2019ll gradually get better at identifying and coping with <\/a>them. This makes it easier for you to understand and share your feelings with your partner in a way they can understand, which helps you both maintain emotional intimacy<\/a> and resolve conflict.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advantage #2: Mindfulness Enables You to Be Emotionally Resilient<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Richo also explains that mindfulness teaches you that you\u2019re strong enough to handle all <\/em>of your feelings, perceptions, and experiences, <\/strong>no matter how uncomfortable they may be. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Psychologists explain that mindfulness increases your emotional resilience by teaching you how to tolerate discomfort<\/a>. As you pay attention to reality from moment to moment, you may have some negative feelings\u2014maybe you\u2019re feeling anxious because you had a bad day or you have some lingering pain from an old injury. There may be little you can do to stop <\/em>those sensations right now, but at least you can wholeheartedly accept them as part of your present reality. When you let yourself fully experience uncomfortable emotions, you stop resisting <\/em>those emotions, which makes accepting, processing, and moving on from them easier<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Emotional Resilience Helps Your Relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Since you\u2019ll feel confident that you can endure pain and discomfort, you\u2019ll feel comfortable being yourself and letting your partner be herself\u2014even if that means you might sometimes be at odds with each other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotional resilience prepares you to accept and deal with this interpersonal conflict<\/a> head-on, rather than denying or avoiding it.<\/strong> Richo says that proactively addressing conflict<\/a> helps you resolve it more easily, which strengthens your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Relationship experts note that conflict avoidance can actually lead to greater conflict <\/em>and less intimacy <\/em>over time.<\/a> When you suppress negative emotions instead of addressing them with your partner, those feelings will only get bigger and eventually build up to resentment. Eventually, you\u2019re likely to explode, and your response will probably be harsher than necessary\u2014this can negatively impact your connection with your partner, making intimacy harder.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advantage #3: Mindfulness Facilitates Compassionate Validation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Richo explains that mindfulness encourages you to assume a compassionate view of reality<\/strong>\u2014when you see things as they really are, you\u2019ll discover two things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Every living being is irrevocably divine, fundamentally good, and capable of both loving and being loved.<\/li>
  2. The universe itself is compassionate since it generously provides you (and all other forms of life) with everything you need to survive\u2014and often even more than that.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    When you adopt the view that all life has inherent<\/em> lovability, you\u2019ll be able to feel compassion for others\u2014even if you disagree with them, are upset with them, or simply can\u2019t relate to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    (Shortform note: Many spiritual<\/a> and secular philosophies<\/a> generally follow tenets similar to those of inherent lovability and a compassionate universe. For example, according to the Law of Attraction<\/a>, positive energy flows from the universe into your life when you think <\/em>positively. In short, these tenets reflect the basic idea that when you believe that the universe is compassionate and has good things in store for you, you mirror that compassion in your life and relationships.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    How Compassion Helps Your Relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Since mindfulness helps you feel more compassionate, it can lead you to behave <\/em>more compassionately toward your partner\u2014even when it\u2019s difficult. Compassionate validation happens when you mindfully accept your loved one\u2019s present reality<\/strong>, no matter what it is, and make them feel like it\u2019s OK to have that experience. For example, if your partner loses a parent<\/a>, you might compassionately validate their grief by recognizing that they\u2019re in pain, letting them talk about their feelings, expressing empathy<\/a>, and showing them kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Richo says that according to psychological research, compassionate validation is the most important ingredient in a healthy relationship because it makes you feel secure, connected, and loved enough to be emotionally vulnerable.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The Six Levels of Compassionate Validation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Psychologists agree that compassionate validation supports healthy relationships<\/a>, and it seems to be most <\/em>effective when you tailor it to suit your partner\u2019s specific situation<\/a>. According to psychologist Marsha Linehan, there are six<\/em> types of validation<\/a> you can use to support your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n