What’s the Buddhist concept of mindfulness? What does it mean to love mindfully?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mindfulness means being in the present<\/a> without trying to influence or change it. The concept can be applied to your relationships as mindful love, the act of seeing your partner and yourself together as you currently are without judgments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Below we’ll look at the benefits of mindful love and how to practice<\/a> it, as described in David Richo’s book How to Be an Adult in Relationships<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n Richo\u2019s relationship advice is rooted in the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, <\/em>the practice of witnessing the present without evaluating, judging, or trying to influence it. When you\u2019re mindful, you simply notice what you\u2019re actually experiencing right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He argues that the key to a healthy relationship is a mindful approach. Specifically, he suggests adopting mindful love<\/em>: the practice of seeing your partner, yourself, and your relationship as each really is in the present, without imposing your interpretations. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: Mindfulness is often associated with meditation<\/a>, but it encompasses much more than that. You can think of meditation as training: Buddhists believe that it gradually teaches them to live in the present moment<\/a>. This process gives them the insight they\u2019ll need to understand suffering, let go of their ego, and reach enlightenment<\/a>. Western psychologists traditionally think of mindfulness as a general stress-management tool<\/a>. Mindful loving <\/em>is a stress-management tool for relationships: Part of its benefit is that you\u2019re just more relaxed in your relationship<\/a>. As a result, you have healthier conflict and less of it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Richo says that practicing mindfulness benefits<\/a> you in three ways: It encourages you to face reality, enables you to be emotionally resilient, and facilitates compassion. When you love <\/em>mindfully, these benefits can support your relationships, too. Let\u2019s explore each.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Richo argues that mindfulness enables you to accept reality<\/a> by keeping you tethered to the present. <\/strong>Instead of allowing your mind to come up with interpretations of events that may or may not be accurate, mindfulness requires you to focus on the verifiable facts of a situation\u2014what you\u2019re actually experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Richo also explains that mindfulness teaches you that you\u2019re strong enough to handle all <\/em>of your feelings, perceptions, and experiences, <\/strong>no matter how uncomfortable they may be. <\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: Psychologists explain that mindfulness increases your emotional resilience by teaching you how to tolerate discomfort<\/a>. As you pay attention to reality from moment to moment, you may have some negative feelings\u2014maybe you\u2019re feeling anxious because you had a bad day or you have some lingering pain from an old injury. There may be little you can do to stop <\/em>those sensations right now, but at least you can wholeheartedly accept them as part of your present reality. When you let yourself fully experience uncomfortable emotions, you stop resisting <\/em>those emotions, which makes accepting, processing, and moving on from them easier<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Richo explains that mindfulness encourages you to assume a compassionate view of reality<\/strong>\u2014when you see things as they really are, you\u2019ll discover two things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you adopt the view that all life has inherent<\/em> lovability, you\u2019ll be able to feel compassion for others\u2014even if you disagree with them, are upset with them, or simply can\u2019t relate to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: Many spiritual<\/a> and secular philosophies<\/a> generally follow tenets similar to those of inherent lovability and a compassionate universe. For example, according to the Law of Attraction<\/a>, positive energy flows from the universe into your life when you think <\/em>positively. In short, these tenets reflect the basic idea that when you believe that the universe is compassionate and has good things in store for you, you mirror that compassion in your life and relationships.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Richo says that mindful love has five key aspects that can be applied in <\/strong>all <\/em><\/strong>kinds of relationships<\/strong>: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. We\u2019ll call this the GREAT model\u2014Gratitude, Respect, Engagement, Affirmation, and Tenderness\u2014to help you remember that these practices are key to a great <\/em>relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s look at each of these practices in further detail:<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you show gratitude for your loved one, you make them feel that they\u2019re valuable, you like them, and you\u2019re glad they exist.<\/strong> For example, if you appreciate that your child is kind, you might tell them that you feel lucky to know such a kind person. Richo says that gratitude is an important aspect of loving relationships because it helps the recipient feel worthy of being loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you show respect <\/em>for someone, you support their intrinsic right to live freely rather than trying to exert control over them.<\/strong> For example, if your partner adheres to a different faith than you do, you respect their religious practice, even if you disagree with the principles of their religion. Richo argues that respect is important because it encourages your loved one to show up in the relationship as their true self<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you engage with someone, you show sincere interest in them<\/strong>. For example, you might engage with your friend by listening to them talk about something they\u2019re excited about. Richo says that engagement is important because it helps your loved one feel like they matter to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you affirm someone, you let them know that you welcome their true nature: their strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and talents.<\/strong> For example, you might affirm your partner by telling them they\u2019re a great cook if they make you a delicious dinner. According to Richo, one reason affirmation is important is that it makes your loved one feel that you understand who they really<\/em> are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you show someone tenderness, you display feelings of devotion and care for them.<\/strong> For example, you might show your partner tenderness by making a point to tell them you love them every day. Richo explains that tenderness supports healthy relationships<\/a> by making both physical and emotional intimacy<\/a> possible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What’s the Buddhist concept of mindfulness? What does it mean to love mindfully? Mindfulness means being in the present without trying to influence or change it. The concept can be applied to your relationships as mindful love, the act of seeing your partner and yourself together as you currently are without judgments. Below we’ll look at the benefits of mindful love and how to practice it, as described in David Richo’s book How to Be an Adult in Relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":83580,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,6],"tags":[1023],"class_list":["post-102376","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-spiritual","tag-how-to-be-an-adult-in-relationships","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat It Means to Love Mindfully<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
3 Benefits of Mindful Love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Benefit #1: Mindfulness Encourages You to Face Reality<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Benefit #2: Mindfulness Enables You to Be Emotionally Resilient<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Benefit #3: Mindfulness Facilitates Compassionate Validation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How to Practice Mindful Love<\/strong>: Be GREAT to Your Loved Ones<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Gratitude<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Respect<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Engagement<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Affirmation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Tenderness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n