{"id":102336,"date":"2023-05-07T17:43:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-07T21:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102336"},"modified":"2023-05-16T14:02:56","modified_gmt":"2023-05-16T18:02:56","slug":"how-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Become the Person You Want to Be: 4 Steps to a New You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you like to imagine yourself as different in some way? What if you could create and travel a path toward your ideal self?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Think Big<\/em>, behavioral science expert Grace Lordan argues that most of us fail to transform our lives because we try to change too much too quickly. Instead, we must set a big goal, acknowledge that achieving it will take a few years, and then take the regular, small steps necessary to achieve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn how to become the person you want to be<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Become the Person You Want to Be<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Whether your goals are personal or professional in nature, you can use Lordan’s advice for how to become the person you want to be. Here are the four steps she recommends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step #1: Know Who You Want to Be<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The first step to changing your life<\/a>, Lordan argues, is to identify your ideal future self<\/strong>\u2014which Lordan calls your \u201cME+\u201d and which we\u2019ll call your ideal self. Imagine a typical workday in the life of your ideal self\u2014anywhere between two and 10 years from now. What is their job title<\/a> and the field in which they work? What kinds of tasks fill up their day? If you\u2019re uncertain about the former, focus on the latter, imagining what work tasks you\u2019d love to do all day. Ideally, these tasks will feel<\/em> significant\u2014both in your own life and with regard to the impact you have on others\u2014as we tend to try harder to achieve goals that we deem significant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make sure that the future self you envision reflects your true<\/em> desires. Lordan cautions against falling victim to the cognitive bias<\/a> called the ambiguity effect<\/strong>: a tendency to choose the option (goal) where you know<\/em> the probability of a favorable outcome\u2014even if you\u2019re not as excited about that goal. Additionally, avoid the bandwagon effect<\/strong>\u2014the tendency to do whatever the people around you are doing\u2014and reactance bias<\/strong>\u2014the rebellious instinct to stick with something specifically because others don\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you\u2019ve identified your ideal self, Lordan contends that you must figure out what skills your ideal self has that you need to develop. <\/strong>Ask yourself: Why am I not currently able to be this ideal self? If you\u2019re unsure, find some people whose jobs are similar to those of your ideal self, and determine what skills they use regularly that you lack. Pick three to five skills that you can reasonably develop: You should be able to develop them by working on them a little bit every week, and developing them shouldn\u2019t cost prohibitive amounts of money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step #2: Practice New Skills<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Lordan explains that once you know what skills you need to develop to become your ideal self<\/a>, you need to regularly practice them.<\/strong> This is because becoming your ideal self requires that you master the skills you identified\u2014and to master them, you must practice them until they become so ingrained that they\u2019re habitual. Start by writing the skills down somewhere you\u2019ll regularly encounter them: Our saliency bias<\/strong> dictates that we pay more attention to information that\u2019s conspicuous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, Lordan recommends that you plan how you\u2019ll regularly practice these skills<\/strong>. To do so, first look at your current job: How could you adjust your responsibilities so that you spend more time developing the skills you desire? Second, decide how you\u2019ll improve upon these skills in your personal time; for example, you might commit to watching YouTube videos that teach you a particular skill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other Ways to Practice New Skills<\/strong>

In Ultralearning<\/em><\/a>, Young provides an alternate method for practicing the skills you need. To start, figure out exactly<\/em> what you need to learn by breaking down each skill or topic into three categories<\/a>. Facts<\/strong> are things you need to commit to memory, concepts<\/strong> are ideas that require flexible understanding, and procedures<\/strong> constitute anything that requires practice. Although Young doesn\u2019t recommend writing down the skills themselves so that you\u2019ll regularly see your list, he does suggest highlighting the skills you expect the most difficulty from so that you can prepare for potential challenges in advance.

Then, Young suggests that you plan how you\u2019ll learn the skills you need<\/a>. But he doesn\u2019t suggest dividing up the plan by whether you\u2019ll learn on the job or in your personal time. Instead, Young recommends that you first research how others have learned what you want to learn so that you can identify what everybody has in common. Then, take those commonalities and re-prioritize them so that your learning strategies<\/a> help you learn what\u2019s most important at any given time. For example, if you want to learn to speak Spanish for an upcoming trip to Spain, you might prioritize learning pronunciation and delay the study of spelling. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Step #3: Build Relationships<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Lordan asserts that you must also plan how you\u2019ll develop the relationships<\/em> that will help you become your ideal self<\/strong>. Start with the people you already know: Every month, ask someone you know for help on your journey to becoming your ideal self. Lordan recommends starting with people you know at work, as they\u2019ll likely have the relevant expertise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, every month, reach out to people you don\u2019t<\/em> know who could help you\u2014like a leader in an industry you want to break into\u2014and ask them to meet. Maximize the chances they\u2019ll say yes by explicitly stating how your request can add to their lives; this takes advantage of the framing effect<\/a><\/strong>, which dictates that how you communicate information influences how someone interprets it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When deciding who you\u2019ll reach out to, Lordan recommends actively seeking out diverse perspectives<\/strong>. Thanks to your similarity bias<\/strong>\u2014your preference for people who are like you\u2014you may try to speak with people who are all like you (and therefore like each other). You may also have a stereotype bias<\/strong>\u2014an assumption about all the individuals in a group\u2014that affects your list. Both tendencies are counterproductive. In reality, diverse perspectives are more likely to help you on your journey, as the more diverse the people you speak with, the wider the range of experiences you\u2019ll encounter\u2014and the more varied the advice they\u2019ll give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step #4: Make a Plan<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Finally, Lordan recommends that you plan out when<\/em> you\u2019ll do the activities that help you become your ideal self<\/strong>. At the very least, devote 90 minutes in your weekly schedule<\/a> to these activities\u2014whether that\u2019s developing skills<\/a> or developing relationships. This is enough time to ensure progress but not so<\/em> much that it overwhelms you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lordan adds that you should devote one hour weekly to reviewing your progress and planning next week\u2019s tasks. Specifically, review how these activities relate to your ultimate goal; the more clear you are on why<\/em> you\u2019re doing them, the more likely you are to stick with them. Additionally, reflect on how much you enjoyed<\/em> each activity; this will help you realize if you\u2019re spending time doing something you think<\/em> you like and not something you actually<\/em> like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In Indistractable<\/em><\/a>, Nir Eyal proposes an alternate method for scheduling your time<\/a> so that you\u2019re working toward becoming your best self. First, identify what you value<\/a> in the three main areas of your life: you, your relationships, and your work. For example, you may value mindfulness<\/a>, time with your kids, and the work activities that help you become your ideal self. Second, timebox<\/a>: Devote every<\/em> block of time in your schedule to a specific activity, prioritizing what you value most. Third, each time you get distracted from this schedule, note down how and why. Fourth, spend 20 minutes every week reflecting<\/a> on what distracted you and how you can alter your schedule to reduce future distractions.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you like to imagine yourself as different in some way? What if you could create and travel a path toward your ideal self? In Think Big, behavioral science expert Grace Lordan argues that most of us fail to transform our lives because we try to change too much too quickly. Instead, we must set a big goal, acknowledge that achieving it will take a few years, and then take the regular, small steps necessary to achieve it. Continue reading to learn how to become the person you want to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":71721,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,7,43],"tags":[1021],"class_list":["post-102336","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-lifestyle","category-self-improvement","tag-think-big","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Become the Person You Want to Be: 4 Steps to a New You - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It's likely that you have big goals, whether they're personal or professional. 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