{"id":102326,"date":"2023-05-09T17:21:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T21:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102326"},"modified":"2023-05-16T14:03:01","modified_gmt":"2023-05-16T18:03:01","slug":"how-to-respond-to-feedback-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-respond-to-feedback-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Respond to Feedback\u2014Despite Your Cognitive Biases"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Whom should you ask for feedback<\/a>? What should you refuse to receive feedback about? Should you take negative feedback to heart?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grace Lordan says that cognitive biases\u2014the mental shortcuts<\/a> that all humans take\u2014can hinder you from achieving your goals<\/a>. One way they do that is by preventing you from soliciting and responding well to feedback. But, if you want to reach your goals<\/a>, you need wise insights from others around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn how to respond to feedback<\/a> without interference from your cognitive biases<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Respond to Feedback<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Implementing your life and career plans well requires that you solicit valuable feedback and respond to it. She offers her advice on how to respond to feedback<\/a> and how to get the right input in the first place. She recommends that you start by deciding what you won\u2019t<\/em> accept feedback on. This will ensure that you don\u2019t change anything that\u2019s central to your identity; for example, Lordan refused to alter her Irish accent despite advice to the contrary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In addition to deciding what aspects of your identity you won\u2019t accept feedback on\u2014like how you speak\u2014consider limiting when<\/em> you\u2019ll accept feedback. One expert argues that while you should generally accept feedback when someone asks, \u201cCan I give you feedback?\u201d there are circumstances when you should say no<\/a>\u2014for instance, if you\u2019re at a stage in a project when receiving feedback<\/a> will slow you down. In that case, thank them for the offer, politely refuse by explaining why you\u2019re not open to feedback at this time, then ask to hear some later if the situation calls for it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you\u2019ve decided what you won\u2019t<\/em> accept feedback on, you can solicit feedback on other areas. Lordan suggests that you identify a few people in your life who will truthfully but supportively provide you with feedback. Then, ask them for their advice, focusing mostly on what areas you can improve. Writing down what they say will help you avoid attentional bias<\/strong>: This is the tendency to selectively remember information that\u2019s relevant to what you\u2019re thinking about when you initially hear it, and it can lead you to pay more attention to feedback that confirms your own perception of how well you\u2019re doing in any given area.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Other experts support Lordan\u2019s recommendations for soliciting feedback. In Ultralearning<\/em><\/a>, Young agrees that you should prioritize learning about areas in which you can improve<\/em>, warning that praise is harmful to the learning process<\/a> because it\u2019s often a commentary on you as a person rather than constructive advice that you can apply to the learning process. Others also recommend writing down the feedback you receive,<\/a> but this isn\u2019t to help you avoid attentional bias as Lordan suggests; rather, keeping a record of the feedback you receive lets you evaluate whether you\u2019re receiving the same<\/em> type of feedback over time. If you are, you may need to change how you\u2019re trying to improve, as what you\u2019re doing isn\u2019t working.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should you do if you receive negative feedback<\/a>? If the feedback seems reasonable, Lordan urges you to respond to it. You have two cognitive biases that may tempt you to ignore it: the ostrich effect<\/a><\/strong>, a tendency to pretend that unpleasant information doesn\u2019t exist, and the sunk cost fallacy<\/a><\/strong>, the tendency to make decisions based on the number of resources you\u2019ve already<\/em> and irrecoverably<\/em> invested in an endeavor rather than considering the current and future costs and benefits objectively. But ignoring negative feedback won\u2019t help you. Instead, take this feedback to heart and modify your actions accordingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The authors of Thanks for the Feedback<\/em><\/a> warn that you may respond poorly to negative feedback not because of the ostrich effect or the sunk cost<\/a> fallacy but because of your relationship<\/em> with the feedback-giver<\/a>. For example, you might refuse the feedback based not on the merit of the feedback itself but because you don\u2019t think the feedback-giver has the authority to tell you what to do. You might even switchtrack<\/em><\/a>, which involves responding to a piece of feedback with a reciprocal piece of feedback that\u2019s aimed at the feedback-giver<\/em> rather than the feedback they\u2019re providing. Just knowing that you have this tendency and watching out for it can help you avoid switchtracking so you take negative feedback to heart\u2014no matter who\u2019s providing it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what if this negative feedback doesn\u2019t<\/em> seem reasonable? In that case, Lordan recommends that you ask others whether the feedback rings true. Ideally, select three people who are all strangers to one another so that they can\u2019t influence each other. If all three agree, the feedback is likely accurate, so you should pay attention to it. But, if not, ignore it; it\u2019s likely that the initial feedback-giver wasn\u2019t objective and rather influenced by their own cognitive biases. If the same issue occurs repeatedly with the same feedback giver, stop asking them for advice. Their feedback may be a symptom of tall poppy syndrome<\/strong>: a phenomenon in which high-achieving people are resented or criticized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Others Say About Ignoring Negative Feedback<\/strong>

Other experts also recommend ignoring negative feedback that comes from only one person or from people you don\u2019t respect<\/a>. Often, such feedback has nothing to do with you and reflects more on the feedback-giver\u2014maybe they\u2019re having a bad day or just enjoy cutting others down. Additionally, ignore negative feedback that\u2019s too unclear to be actionable or that reflects something you wanted; for example, if you wanted to write the world\u2019s saddest song and receive criticism that it\u2019s too sad, ignore that person because you got exactly what you were hoping for. 

That said, ignoring negative feedback is often easier said than done: Those experiencing tall poppy syndrome can experience mental health problems<\/a> such as anxiety. So, if you\u2019re seriously struggling, talk to a professional.)<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Exercise: Seek Out Feedback<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Create a plan<\/a> for how to ask for and receive feedback well so that you can incorporate it without letting your cognitive biases get in the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. What is one issue that you\u2019re currently facing that you\u2019d like to receive feedback on?<\/li>
  2. Name three people who you think would provide honest, supportive feedback on that issue.<\/li>
  3. Briefly list some characteristics these three people have in common. Determine whether your list is sufficiently diverse\u2014recall that asking a diverse group will provide you with the best possible advice.<\/li>
  4. What would excite or upset you most to hear? Writing this down now will help you realize what feedback you might pay too much attention to due to attentional bias.<\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Whom should you ask for feedback? What should you refuse to receive feedback about? Should you take negative feedback to heart? Grace Lordan says that cognitive biases\u2014the mental shortcuts that all humans take\u2014can hinder you from achieving your goals. One way they do that is by preventing you from soliciting and responding well to feedback. But, if you want to reach your goals, you need wise insights from others around you. Keep reading to learn how to respond to feedback without interference from your cognitive biases.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":11984,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,43],"tags":[1021],"class_list":["post-102326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-think-big","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Respond to Feedback\u2014Despite Your Cognitive Biases - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Cognitive biases can keep you from soliciting and responding well to feedback. 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