{"id":102291,"date":"2023-05-14T15:34:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-14T19:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102291"},"modified":"2023-05-16T14:03:13","modified_gmt":"2023-05-16T18:03:13","slug":"how-to-build-up-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-build-up-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Build Up Confidence by Proving Yourself Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you lazy, unskilled, or hard to get along with? How can you prove yourself wrong about any of these beliefs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Behavioral science expert Grace Lordan urges you to make and implement a plan to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-the-best-version-of-yourself\/\">transform yourself<\/a> into <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be-2\/\">the person you want to be<\/a>. She discusses how to recognize and address internal obstacles by getting confident about your abilities and potential.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to learn how to build up confidence in yourself and your dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-build-up-confidence\">How to Build Up Confidence<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Lordan suggests that, in order to confidently pursue the actions necessary to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-your-ideal-self\/\">become your ideal self<\/a>, you must <strong>overcome the personal stories that are hindering your progress<\/strong>. We all have stories that we tell ourselves about who we are. And, thanks to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/confirmation-bias-definition-2\/\">confirmation bias<\/a><\/strong>, we pay attention to any evidence that <em>confirms<\/em> these stories and ignore anything that <em>contradicts<\/em> them. But, some of these stories might prevent you from pursuing your goal. So, you must learn how to build up confidence by dispelling the stories that aren&#8217;t (or don&#8217;t have to be) true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, you might tell yourself, \u201cI\u2019m too old to change my routine.\u201d Identify these limiting stories by examining the anxieties that arise when you refuse a potentially advantageous situation. Then, identify any actions you might take to <em>disprove<\/em> this story and create a new one. For example, you might believe, \u201cI\u2019m a couch potato.\u201d Signing up for an exercise class and regularly going to the gym will prove that you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> a couch potato and help you develop a new story that you\u2019re someone who exercises regularly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How Lordan\u2019s Advice Compares to James Clear\u2019s<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/atomic-habits\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Atomic Habits<\/em><\/a>, James Clear agrees that you must transform the stories that you tell yourself in order to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-change-your-behavior\/\">change your behavior<\/a> long-term. Moreover, he asserts that this is the <em>only<\/em> effective way to transform your habits.<br><br>Most of us try to change our behavior using goal-driven habits: We perform a behavior to reach a specific goal. However, once we reach that goal, we lose the motivation to keep performing that behavior. Instead, Clear recommends that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/atomic-habits\/1-page-summary#how-to-change-your-habits-start-with-your-identity\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">we develop identity-driven habits<\/a>: behaviors we perform because they match the stories we believe about <em>who we are<\/em>\u2014in other words, our identity.<br><br>To do so, we must identify the type of person we want to be (our ideal self), then behave like that person. Eventually, we\u2019ll gather enough evidence to truly <em>believe<\/em> we&#8217;re that person, and we\u2019ll perform the behavior because it\u2019s part of our <em>identity<\/em>. This is clearly a case in which you can use confirmation bias to your advantage, although Clear doesn\u2019t use that term: You\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a> to evidence that you <em>are<\/em> your ideal self because it fits in with the story you\u2019re telling yourself, and you\u2019re ignoring any evidence that you\u2019re not that person.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Confidently <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pursue-your-goals\/\">pursuing your goals<\/a> also requires that you <strong>put yourself out there<\/strong>. Lordan explains that we often don\u2019t take potentially risky actions (like chasing our goals) due to <strong>anticipatory loss aversion<\/strong>: We expect any potential failures to feel worse than any potential success. We may also refuse to act due to how badly we expect <em>others<\/em> to react to our failure\u2014a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cognitive-bias-definition\/\">cognitive bias<\/a> known as the <strong>saving face effect<\/strong>. But in reality, we tend <em>not<\/em> to feel as badly as we expect to when we do fail. Moreover, since we suffer from a <strong>spotlight effect<\/strong> that makes us think people are paying more attention to us than they actually are, people tend not to judge us as badly as we expect them to. Reminding yourself of these realities can help you put yourself out there.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Reframe Your Fears<\/strong><br><br>If you struggle to chase your goals because you\u2019re worried about how failing might feel or how others will react to a potential failure, you\u2019re acting out of fear. But what if your awareness of these <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cognitive-heuristics\/\">cognitive biases<\/a> or of the reality that people aren\u2019t paying as much attention to you as you think doesn\u2019t help reduce your fear or motivate you to act?<br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/everything-is-figureoutable\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Everything Is Figureoutable<\/em><\/a>, Marie Forleo recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/everything-is-figureoutable\/1-page-summary#youre-afraid\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">reframing your fear as a good thing<\/a>. As she points out, if you\u2019re afraid to do something, it\u2019s often a sign that you care deeply about it\u2014and so you should do it. To determine exactly what your fear is telling you, Forleo recommends the following exercise: First, relax your body by taking several deep breaths. Then, ask yourself whether doing the thing that scares you makes you feel open or closed off\u2014and pay attention to how your <em>body<\/em> reacts. If you feel enthusiastic and like a weight has been lifted, that\u2019s a good sign. If your muscles tense and you feel nauseated, consider holding off.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you lazy, unskilled, or hard to get along with? How can you prove yourself wrong about any of these beliefs? Behavioral science expert Grace Lordan urges you to make and implement a plan to transform yourself into the person you want to be. She discusses how to recognize and address internal obstacles by getting confident about your abilities and potential. Read on to learn how to build up confidence in yourself and your dreams.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":81386,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,9,43],"tags":[1021],"class_list":["post-102291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-think-big","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Build Up Confidence by Proving Yourself Wrong - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We tell ourselves stories about who we are. 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