{"id":102277,"date":"2023-05-10T17:01:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-10T21:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=102277"},"modified":"2025-09-15T10:40:35","modified_gmt":"2025-09-15T14:40:35","slug":"career-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/career-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Build Career Relationships That Support Your Goals"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What kind of people can help you elevate your career? Do you deliberately develop relationships that help you reach your goals<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Behavioral science expert Grace Lordan explains how you can change your life<\/a> by identifying who you want to become and then making a plan to turn your ideal future self into a reality. One step is to find people who can support your career goals and actively foster relationships with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn how to build career relationships that are mutually beneficial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of\u00a0Shortform’s guide to career development<\/a>. If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Building Career Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Lordan asserts that you must plan how you\u2019ll develop the career relationships<\/em> that will help you become your ideal self<\/a><\/strong>. Start with the people you already know: Every month, ask someone you know for help on your journey to becoming your ideal self. Lordan recommends starting with people you know at work, as they\u2019ll likely have the relevant expertise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: If you work in a fully remote environment, you may not know your colleagues well in general and so struggle to pinpoint who might be able to help you on your journey to becoming your ideal self. If so, start by befriending your colleagues<\/a>. Try setting up virtual happy hours, joining or beginning a social Slack channel, or following your colleagues\u2019 social media accounts.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, every month, reach out to people you don\u2019t<\/em> know who could help you\u2014like a leader in an industry you want to break into\u2014and ask them to meet. Maximize the chances they\u2019ll say yes by explicitly stating how your request can add to their lives; this takes advantage of the framing effect<\/a><\/strong>, which dictates that how you communicate information influences how someone interprets it. For example, offer to buy them dinner if they\u2019ll agree to speak with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In Build<\/em><\/a>, Tony Fadell recommends an alternate method for reaching out to people you don\u2019t know\u2014especially industry leaders who are unlikely to respond to you. Follow them on Twitter, then regularly send them small bits of information that they might find helpful. Eventually, that person will start to recognize and like you because<\/em> you\u2019ve been helpful. Once they start responding and you have a relationship, then<\/em> ask them for a favor. Fadell doesn\u2019t mention using the framing effect, but doing so when you ask for a favor might maximize the chances they\u2019ll say yes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When deciding who you\u2019ll reach out to, Lordan recommends actively seeking out diverse perspectives<\/strong>. Thanks to your similarity bias<\/strong>\u2014your preference for people who are like you\u2014you may try to speak with people who are all like you (and therefore like each other). You may also have a stereotype bias<\/strong>\u2014an assumption about all the individuals in a group\u2014that affects your list; for example, you might want to speak only with alumni of elite schools because you believe they\u2019re the only ones who are smart. Both tendencies are counterproductive. In reality, diverse perspectives are more likely to help you on your journey, as the more diverse the people you speak with, the wider the range of experiences you\u2019ll encounter\u2014and the more varied the advice they\u2019ll give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: It\u2019s possible that your similarity bias and stereotype bias have led you to create a professional network that mostly <\/em>consists of people who are like you. If so, how can you find people with diverse perspectives and a wide range of experiences who can help you on your journey? One possibility is to get involved with an Employee Resource Group<\/a>\u2014an employee-led group that aims to foster diversity at your company. Attending open events or joining their group as an ally can introduce you to people with diverse backgrounds who you may not otherwise meet.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tips for Handling Other People<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Lordan points out that, as you work toward your ideal self, you\u2019ll meet several people you\u2019ll need to impress. To handle them well, start by making clear that you fit their expectations. <\/strong>Lordan explains that we all use a representativeness heuristic<\/a><\/strong> when making decisions: If A is like the members of Group B, we assume that A is a member of Group B. This heuristic is problematic when used to limit others. For example, someone who thinks that all glasses-wearers are smart might hire the glasses-wearer over the contacts-wearer, despite evidence that the contacts-wearer is smarter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, Lordan explains that you can take advantage of this heuristic. To do so, find out how you might indicate that you\u2019re a member of the group you want to join. Then, figure out how to obtain those indications. For example, if everybody at the company you want to join is a member of a particular country club, join that country club.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: You can achieve your dreams<\/a> not just by altering yourself to fit others\u2019 expectations, as Lordan suggests, but also by altering your own<\/em> expectations<\/a>. You likely follow several representativeness heuristics when making decisions that don\u2019t just limit others but limit yourself<\/em>. For example, if you\u2019re a startup CEO, you may initially focus on impressing investors who wear designer shoes because you think<\/em> they have the most money\u2014only to later realize that the richest investors often dress most casually. Use trial and error to figure out what mistaken heuristics you follow, then adjust your behavior accordingly to make better decisions<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second key to handling other people is to get in with the popular kids<\/strong>. If there\u2019s some social group that could help you on your way to becoming your ideal self, Lordan urges you to become part of it. By doing so, you\u2019ll benefit from intergroup bias<\/strong>\u2014our tendency to prefer people who are in our \u201cin-group,\u201d or circle\u2014and so may receive, for example, protection during hard times. You\u2019ll also benefit from the halo effect<\/a><\/strong>: the tendency to form an overall positive impression of a person based on a single positive trait or characteristic (in this case, being a member of the group).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: You can only benefit from intergroup bias and the halo effect<\/a> if you\u2019re part of a closely knit group\u2014but how do you actually get them to like you? In How to Win Friends and Influence People<\/em><\/a>, Dale Carnegie explains that all people crave feeling important<\/a>, so you can get people to like you<\/a> by subtly indicating to them that you think they\u2019re important. Try genuinely complimenting them<\/a> when you don\u2019t want anything in return, publicly praising their work, and encouraging them to talk about themselves.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Third, Lordan suggests that you learn how to redirect meetings<\/strong> so that they\u2019re more likely to provide you with an outcome that could help you on your path<\/a> to becoming your ideal self. Meetings often devolve into informational cascades: One person says something, then everybody else repeats variations on that thing without proposing anything new. This happens because, in a group, we want the others to like us\u2014and so we tend to go with what the group says instead of risking controversy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to say something new in a meeting where everybody is repeating the same thing, Lordan recommends a three-step process. Begin by reiterating something the group has already said, in accordance with the group\u2019s proven tendency to echo the previous participant. Then, share your distinct viewpoint concisely<\/em>. Finally, name someone else in the room whom you want to speak next; having more than one person speak on the same point will cause others in the room to pay more attention to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other Ways to Avoid an Informational Cascade<\/strong>

If you\u2019re running<\/em> the meeting and want to stop an informational cascade before it happens, try switching the order by which people make decisions. In The Legal Analyst<\/em><\/a>, Ward Farnsworth explains that military courts sometimes vote on tribunal decisions in reverse ranking order: The lowest-ranking soldier votes first, while the highest-ranking soldier votes last. Farnsworth proposes that this system helps avoid<\/em> informational cascades; the lowest-ranking soldier feels more comfortable voting how she actually<\/em> thinks because she doesn\u2019t feel pressured to agree with the higher-ranking soldier. Similarly, asking lower-ranking people to provide input first<\/em> may provide you with a more honest perspective. 

Alternatively, if you\u2019re participating<\/em> in the meeting and suspect that your opinion may not jibe with that of everybody else in the room, try sharing your opinion first. This way, you might be able to sway the informational cascade your way\u2014and avoid having to redirect it once it\u2019s already started.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What kind of people can help you elevate your career? Do you deliberately develop relationships that help you reach your goals? Behavioral science expert Grace Lordan explains how you can change your life by identifying who you want to become and then making a plan to turn your ideal future self into a reality. One step is to find people who can support your career goals and actively foster relationships with them. Keep reading to learn how to build career relationships that are mutually beneficial.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":9946,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,43,30],"tags":[1021],"class_list":["post-102277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-self-improvement","category-work","tag-think-big","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Build Career Relationships That Support Your Goals - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"To elevate your career, find people who can help you reach your goals. Then, actively cultivate relationships with them. 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