Do time-outs work for children? How effective are they at achieving your real goal? Is there a better way to reach that goal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Clinical psychologist Thomas W. Phelan considers time-outs an archaic discipline tactic. He recommends breaks instead. A break is similar to the classic idea of a time-out. But, the execution, and thus the results, are different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Keep reading to learn why time-outs don’t work and why breaks do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Do time-outs work for disciplining children? Before we get to Phelan’s answer to that question, let’s set up the context. In his book, 1-2-3 Magic<\/em>, he offers a counting strategy both to control your response to your kids\u2019 behavior and to train your kids to redirect when they misbehave. Here\u2019s how it works:<\/p>\n\n\n\n When kids start to misbehave, you say, \u201cThat\u2019s one.\u201d Then wait five seconds. If the child stops the behavior, you move on. However, if the behavior continues, the counting continues: \u201cThat\u2019s two.\u201d If the behavior continues after two strikes, your child is \u2018out.\u2019 They need to take a break for five minutes. So you say, \u201cThat\u2019s three, take five.\u201d \u2018Take five\u2019 represents a five-minute break where your child removes herself from the situation by going to a break area, and you both get a chance to calm down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your child does end up getting to three and needs to take a break, there are a few important details to remember. While time-outs are similar to breaks, Phelan points out some important distinctions. Time-outs are often simply the result of parents losing their temper and wanting their kids out of their sight, with the result being that children feel isolated and bad about themselves. Additionally, Phelan notes that time-outs often include the unrealistic stipulation that children think about the error of their ways and come out with an apology or plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In contrast, taking a break is meant to serve as a chance for everyone to regroup. Parents don\u2019t act emotionally when they send their children for a break, and kids don\u2019t have to be isolated (they could have their bedroom door open or sit in a chair in the living room, for instance). Additionally, kids aren\u2019t expected to come up with an explanation or apology while they\u2019re taking their break, and the slate is simply wiped clean when the break is over (no more talking about the incident). <\/p>\n\n\n\n