{"id":101117,"date":"2023-05-08T07:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-08T11:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=101117"},"modified":"2023-05-08T10:09:41","modified_gmt":"2023-05-08T14:09:41","slug":"future-family-plans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/future-family-plans\/","title":{"rendered":"Why You Must Discuss Future Family Plans in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you have future family plans? When should you discuss having a baby with your partner?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether you&#8217;re in a new relationship or a long-term one, it&#8217;s crucial to discuss future family plans with your partner. If you aren&#8217;t on the same page about having children or what your family would look like, then it&#8217;s better to know early on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read below to learn how to bring up future family plans on a date with your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-have-a-conversation-about-family\"><strong>How to Have a Conversation About Family<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors of <em>Eight Dates<\/em> argue that <strong>different visions and definitions of family can be a dealbreaker in a relationship<\/strong>. The goal of this date is to understand what future family plans look like for you and your partner. Every person defines family differently, so it\u2019s important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page before entering into a long-term commitment. Specifically, if you don&#8217;t have children, talk about whether you want to be parents.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: This date focuses on couples who haven&#8217;t yet made the decision to have kids. If you already have children, <a href=\"https:\/\/beenke.com\/parenting\/tips-save-relationship-different-parenting-styles\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">you can use this date to talk about how you co-parent<\/a>\u2014what\u2019s working and what isn\u2019t. Consider discussing your different <a href=\"https:\/\/beenke.com\/parenting\/the-4-types-of-parenting-styles-which-one-are-you\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">parenting styles<\/a> or any house rules and routines that need to be changed or updated, or just take time to discuss how your family is doing and any challenges you&#8217;re facing right now as a parent.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following prompt to guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Describe your dream family.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&#8217;re planning on having children, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What challenges can we anticipate when we bring kids into our family?<\/li><li>How do you imagine me as a parent? Where do you think I\u2019ll thrive as a parent?<\/li><li>What qualities of ours do we hope to instill in our children?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you aren&#8217;t planning on having kids, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What does being a family mean for you?<\/li><li>Who&#8217;s your community? How do you want to strengthen the relationships with those in your community?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: As you discuss the decision to have children, it\u2019s important to acknowledge that women face more societal pressure than men to have children. Even though many women choose not to have children, motherhood is still strongly associated with adult femininity. A study of nearly 1,200 American women found that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedaily.com\/releases\/2012\/10\/121009121807.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">child-free women who choose to remain childless feel more social pressure to become mothers than other women<\/a>. However, they tend to feel less distress about not having kids than women who are childless due to infertility or other reasons.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether or not children are in your definition of family, the authors argue that the most <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/important-relationships\/\">important relationship<\/a> should always be with your partner because the couple is the foundation of a family, and the other people in your life will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/melania-trumps-be-best\/\">be best<\/a> served if you prioritize that relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Is Your Romantic Partnership Really Your Most Important Relationship?<\/strong><br><br>Throughout the book, the authors emphasize the importance of a monogamous romantic relationship. However, some people argue that placing so much emphasis on romantic relationships actually minimizes people\u2019s social support networks.&nbsp;<br><br>For example, in an article published in <em>The Atlantic<\/em>, Mandy Len Catron makes the case that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/family\/archive\/2019\/07\/case-against-marriage\/591973\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">marriage actually weakens social ties and leads to increased isolation<\/a>. Single people, she argues, are far more connected to the world around them. The American ideology of marriage assumes that the work of caring for someone falls primarily to one person, but without the preeminence of marriage, care and support could be redistributed across networks of extended family, neighbors, and friends. Catron advocates for expanding our sense of what love looks like beyond the insular institution of marriage to benefit from a diverse network of close and loving relationships.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have future family plans? When should you discuss having a baby with your partner? Whether you&#8217;re in a new relationship or a long-term one, it&#8217;s crucial to discuss future family plans with your partner. If you aren&#8217;t on the same page about having children or what your family would look like, then it&#8217;s better to know early on. Read below to learn how to bring up future family plans on a date with your partner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":99115,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[1003],"class_list":["post-101117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-eight-dates","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why You Must Discuss Future Family Plans in a Relationship - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You and your partner need to be on the same page about having children. 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