{"id":101099,"date":"2023-05-02T12:25:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-02T16:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=101099"},"modified":"2023-05-08T10:10:10","modified_gmt":"2023-05-08T14:10:10","slug":"eight-dates-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/","title":{"rendered":"Eight Dates: Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What are <em>Eight Dates<\/em> questions for getting to know your partner better? How will these questions make your relationship stronger?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the book <em>Eight Dates<\/em>, the authors provide several questions you can use to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-initiate-a-conversation\/\">start a conversation<\/a> on a date with your partner. From strengthening trust to sharing your hopes and dreams, these questions cover every topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading for the essential <em>Eight Dates<\/em> questions you need to keep in the back of your mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-eight-essential-conversations\"><strong>The Eight Essential Conversations<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors outline eight conversations that they say every couple must have; topics range from sex to finances to personal aspirations. These <em>Eight Dates<\/em> questions won&#8217;t only lay a strong foundation for your relationship\u2014they\u2019ll also allow you to address common sources of conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In their discussion of the eight dates, the authors focus on how conversations can strengthen relationships, but dates don\u2019t necessarily have to revolve around conversation to have a positive impact on a relationship. Studies have shown that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8170361\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">exploring new or exciting activities together can also promote closeness and personal growth<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors structure these conversations as eight possible dates, outlining the purpose of the date and offering suggestions on where to go and questions to guide the conversation. In the following sections, we\u2019ll explore the themes of the eight dates and questions that will keep the conversation going<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-date-one-trust\"><strong>Date One: Trust<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Trust is foundational to a long-lasting relationship. The authors define trust as the conviction that your partner values you and will be there to support you. The goal of this date is to understand your partner\u2019s beliefs about trust and discuss how you can deepen trust in your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to help guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What did you learn about trust growing up? How do you define trust now?<\/li><li>Where do we agree on issues of trust? Where do we disagree?<\/li><li>How can we strengthen trust in our relationship? What do you need from me?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Two: Disagreements<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The next date is about disagreements. The authors emphasize that <strong>disagreements in a relationship are normal<\/strong>. In fact, when you know how to manage disagreements effectively, it can even strengthen your relationship. The goal of this date is to learn how your partner manages disagreements and how you can manage disagreements more effectively as a couple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to help guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What did you learn about conflict or managing conflict growing up? How have you navigated conflict in the past?<\/li><li>What are your beliefs about anger? What do you need when you&#8217;re feeling angry?<\/li><li>How would you like to manage conflict differently in the future?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Three: Sex<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors argue that <strong>a healthy sex life is important to the long-term health of your relationship<\/strong>. However, they emphasize that there isn&#8217;t one definition of a healthy sex life. It will look different for every couple, and it will look different at different points in your life. For example, you might have more sex when you first start dating or less sex if one partner is sick. In the end, a healthy sex life is whatever feels good for both you and your significant other. The goal of this date is to learn more about what turns your partner on and to discuss how to keep your relationship passionate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors explain that <strong>a healthy sex life depends on honest conversation<\/strong>. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/sex-and-intimacy\/\">Sex and intimacy<\/a> are particularly sensitive topics for most people, which is why a lot of couples don\u2019t talk regularly about their x life or sexual desires. However, research suggests that couples that talk regularly about sex have better sex more often.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to help guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What do you like?<\/li><li>When and how do you like to initiate sex?<\/li><li>What can I do to improve our sex life?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Four: Finances<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Money is another frequent source of conflict in any relationship. <\/strong>The authors explain that having explicit conversations about your individual and collective finances will help you get to know your partner better and more effectively anticipate and navigate areas of conflict related to money. The goal of this date is to better understand your and your partner\u2019s relationship to money and discuss how to build a healthy financial future together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to help guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What did you learn about money growing up?<\/li><li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-makes-you-anxious\/\">What makes you anxious<\/a> when it comes to money?<\/li><li>What do you hope for your (and our) financial future?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Five: Family<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors argue that <strong>different visions and definitions of family can be a dealbreaker in a relationship<\/strong>. The goal of this date is to understand what family looks like for you and your partner. Every person defines family differently, so it\u2019s important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page before entering into a long-term commitment. Specifically, if you don&#8217;t have children, talk about whether you want to be parents.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following prompt to guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Describe your dream family.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&#8217;re planning on having children, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What challenges can we anticipate when we bring kids into our family?<\/li><li>How do you imagine me as a parent? Where do you think I\u2019ll thrive as a parent?<\/li><li>What qualities of ours do we hope to instill in our children?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you aren&#8217;t planning on having kids, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What does being a family mean for you?<\/li><li>Who&#8217;s your community? How do you want to strengthen the relationships with those in your community?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Six: Play<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The next date is about playfulness. The authors believe that <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/have-more-fun\/\">having fun<\/a> is key to a happy, thriving relationship<\/strong>. The goal of this date is to find out what you like to do for fun and what your partner likes to do for fun and to explore how you can have fun together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What&#8217;s the most fun you&#8217;ve ever had? Share a personal experience and an experience you\u2019ve shared with your partner.<\/li><li>What\u2019s on your bucket list?<\/li><li>What can we do to make our relationship more fun?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Seven: Change<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to the authors, people change over time. In a relationship, <strong>it\u2019s important to support your partner\u2019s evolution<\/strong>, even if it\u2019s different than you expected. Conflict will often arise as you or your partner changes, but individual change can strengthen and deepen a relationship when both partners take it as an opportunity to better understand the other person. The purpose of this date is to acknowledge how you and your partner have changed in your relationship and to discuss shared traditions that will keep you connected as you continue to change in the future.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to guide your conversations:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Describe ways in which you\u2019ve grown that you\u2019re most proud of.<\/li><li>How do you prioritize your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-grow-as-a-person\/\">personal growth<\/a>? How can I support you?<\/li><li>What traditions are important for us to establish even as our relationship continues to grow and change?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Date Eight: Aspirations<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to the authors, couples grow together, but each person also has personal aspirations. Couples who are able to affirm and support each other\u2019s long-term goals are more likely to have a long-lasting relationship. This date is about sharing your greatest aspirations with your partner and learning about their aspirations so that you can better support each other as you pursue your dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Use the following questions to guide your conversation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Do you have any aspirations you&#8217;ve let go of that you regret?<\/li><li>Describe an aspiration that&#8217;s important to you. Why is it important? What would it feel like if you fulfilled this goal?<\/li><li>What do you need from me to pursue your greatest aspiration?<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are Eight Dates questions for getting to know your partner better? How will these questions make your relationship stronger? In the book Eight Dates, the authors provide several questions you can use to start a conversation on a date with your partner. From strengthening trust to sharing your hopes and dreams, these questions cover every topic. Keep reading for the essential Eight Dates questions you need to keep in the back of your mind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":52831,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,34,12],"tags":[1003],"class_list":["post-101099","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-eight-dates","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Eight Dates: Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you ever run out of things to talk about on a date? 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Check out these Eight Dates questions to inspire meaningful conversations.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-05-02T16:25:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-05-08T14:10:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/coffee-date.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1180\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"771\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\"},\"headline\":\"Eight Dates: Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-05-02T16:25:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-05-08T14:10:10+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/\"},\"wordCount\":1313,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/coffee-date.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Eight Dates\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Books\",\"Communication\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/\",\"name\":\"Eight Dates: Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eight-dates-questions\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/coffee-date.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-05-02T16:25:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-05-08T14:10:10+00:00\",\"description\":\"Have you ever run out of things to talk about on a date? 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