{"id":100498,"date":"2023-04-30T11:30:40","date_gmt":"2023-04-30T15:30:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=100498"},"modified":"2023-05-03T11:32:42","modified_gmt":"2023-05-03T15:32:42","slug":"how-to-deal-with-hard-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-hard-times\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Hard Times: Managing Pain, Negativity, & Failure"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How well do you tolerate pain? Do you have the urge to fight back when people treat you poorly? Do you let failure keep you from reaching your goals<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you go through life, you’ll inevitably encounter hardship. However, Discipline Is Destiny<\/em> by Ryan Holiday asserts that practicing discipline can help you deal with three types of hardship: pain, negativity, and failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out how to deal with hard times and push through to brighter days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

1. Deal With Pain<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To know how to deal with hard times, Holiday asserts that you must practice discipline by learning to tolerate pain<\/strong>. You must fight through your hardships (which are inevitable) if you want to have any chance of success<\/a>. These hardships may seem impossible to overcome, especially if you\u2019re experiencing significant physical pain or major mental health issues. However, Holiday insists that you must find a way to keep going despite this pain, whether that\u2019s by finding an effective way to deal with it (such as by working through trauma) or by choosing to ignore it so you can work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: If you\u2019re struggling to tolerate and fight through pain, consider playing a sport. Although the research is inconclusive<\/a>, some studies suggest that regularly experiencing the pain induced by training for and playing a sport may increase your tolerance<\/a> for physical and mental pain<\/a>. Scholars have different theories<\/a> as to why: Some suggest that it\u2019s because exercise increases endorphins, while others suggest that it\u2019s because athletes instinctively use strategies for coping with pain.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Deal With Negativity<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To deal with negativity, Holiday asserts that you must practice discipline by resisting the urge to fight back. <\/strong>If someone behaves poorly toward you, you may understandably want to fight against them or defend yourself. But doing so likely won\u2019t improve the situation and may even worsen it. So it\u2019s best to choose not<\/em> to engage with negativity\u2014even when it seems impossible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Ancient Chinese philosophers agree with Holiday that you should avoid fighting. In the Tao Te Ching<\/em><\/a>, Lao Tzu<\/a> argues that peace should always be your top priority<\/a> as aggression only pushes people away, and violence only makes you seem unstable or desperate<\/a>. But if you do<\/em> choose to fight back, The Art of War<\/em>\u2019s<\/a> Sun Tzu recommends that you do so only if you\u2019re absolutely certain that you\u2019re going to win<\/a>.)  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Deal With Failure<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Holiday asserts that dealing with failure<\/a> in a disciplined manner requires that you learn to handle it with grace<\/strong>. In general, don\u2019t treat failure as an excuse to stop; remain persistent and pursue your goals<\/a> despite<\/em> the failure. Also, show yourself compassion: Instead of bombarding yourself with negative self-talk<\/a> when you fail, talk to yourself as you would a friend. That said, don\u2019t prioritize persistence above all else. Pushing forward is virtuous, but if you\u2019re unable<\/em> to admit that you need to stop because you\u2019re not doing well, you\u2019ll keep going even when you shouldn\u2019t\u2014and ultimately encounter an even more agonizing defeat.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other Ways to Handle Failure<\/strong>

In Dare to Lead<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown names the ability to recover and move on from defeat \u201cfailure resilience<\/a>,\u201d and she asserts that it\u2019s essential because you\u2019re more likely to take risks and try new ideas if you\u2019re confident that you can recover from any setback. A key component of developing failure resilience is questioning the story that you\u2019re telling yourself about why<\/em> you failed<\/a>. This story is often driven by your own insecurities and so may lead you to beat yourself up<\/a> unnecessarily or make illogical leaps; questioning that story can help you realize what\u2019s true<\/em> and what\u2019s an assumption<\/em>. 

Similarly, asking questions can help you decide when it\u2019s time to quit<\/a>. Specifically, experts recommend asking yourself why you originally undertook the project (to see if it\u2019s veered from its original purpose), why you want to quit now, whether you\u2019ve tried everything to make this pay off, and what you\u2019ll gain from quitting.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How well do you tolerate pain? Do you have the urge to fight back when people treat you poorly? Do you let failure keep you from reaching your goals? As you go through life, you’ll inevitably encounter hardship. However, Discipline Is Destiny by Ryan Holiday asserts that practicing discipline can help you deal with three types of hardship: pain, negativity, and failure. Check out how to deal with hard times and push through to brighter days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":68552,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,9,43],"tags":[994],"class_list":["post-100498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-philosophy","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-discipline-is-destiny","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Deal With Hard Times: Managing Pain, Negativity, & Failure - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Everyone goes through valleys. Practicing discipline can help you push through toward the mountaintops. 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