{"id":100472,"date":"2023-04-29T10:44:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-29T14:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=100472"},"modified":"2023-05-04T14:15:44","modified_gmt":"2023-05-04T18:15:44","slug":"perspective-taking-psychology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/perspective-taking-psychology\/","title":{"rendered":"Perspective-Taking: Psychology’s Solution for Tantrums"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is perspective-taking in psychology? Why is it important to see things from your child’s point of view?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Explosive Child<\/em>, Ross Greene claims that asking for your child’s perspective on challenges and outbursts they’re having will help them process their feelings and behavior. This is called perspective-taking, psychology’s great solution for fixing bad behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Find out how to use your child’s perspective to correct tantrums.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Getting Your Child\u2019s Perspective<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Greene says you can discuss practical challenges with your child beginning with the ones that cause the most outbursts or conflicts. Your goal in these conversations is to understand your child\u2019s perspective on their practical challenges and outbursts, also known as perspective-taking. <\/strong>Psychology and Greene acknowledge this isn\u2019t always an easy process\u2014kids often don\u2019t fully understand their own feelings, and they might resist talking about their behavior\u2014but by approaching your child openly and working with them, you\u2019ll eventually discover the causes of their outbursts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Instead of just asking your child what causes their outbursts, some parenting experts suggest you also keep track of your child\u2019s behaviors leading up to an outburst<\/a>. By taking the initiative and paying attention<\/a> to when and where outbursts occur, you\u2019ll learn important information about your child\u2019s behaviors. This information may then reveal productive starting points for your discussions.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Greene offers two guidelines for conducting these discussions with your child:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Ask Specific Questions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Greene explains that your questioning throughout the discussion should focus on the specific circumstances behind practical challenges\u2014allowing you to change or avoid these circumstances later on, preventing outbursts. To do this, ask your child a lot of what, who, where, and when questions, like: <\/strong>What is challenging or frustrating? Who makes you upset? Where and when do you tend to get upset? What were you thinking about in the moments leading to the outburst? For example, Liz\u2019s dad asks what<\/em> Liz doesn\u2019t like about getting up in the morning or when<\/em> she finds it easier or harder to get up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Circumstance, Thought, and Then <\/em>Action<\/strong>

Though it might seem like the circumstances of a practical challenge directly cause your child\u2019s outbursts, there\u2019s more going on than first appears. These circumstances, also known as behavioral triggers, are actually connected to specific ways of thinking<\/em> rather than specific ways of acting<\/em><\/a>. These thoughts are the \u201cmiddle step\u201d between specific circumstances and your child\u2019s responses to them. For example, Liz encounters the behavioral trigger of waking up early. She associates this event with a specific way of thinking: \u201cI hate getting up in the morning. I shouldn\u2019t have to.\u201d Then, when she\u2019s told to get up, she automatically starts thinking about how unfair that is, works herself up into a rage, and has an outburst. 

This middle step, a thought pattern, is crucial for understanding why outbursts happen\u2014if a child can recollect what they were thinking just before an outburst, you can understand the chain of events leading to their behavior. Plus, if you\u2019re able to find a way to interrupt your child\u2019s negative thought pattern<\/a> (through coping methods like breathing exercises<\/a>, for example), then they won\u2019t progress to the next step of having an outburst even in the face of a behavioral trigger. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

2) Practice Active Listening<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

While getting your child\u2019s perspective, you\u2019ll want to keep your child as open and communicative as possible so they feel comfortable talking with you. To this end, Greene suggests you actively listen to your child, making them the focus of the conversation. He offers several conversational dos and don\u2019ts for active listening:<\/p>\n\n\n\n