{"id":3324,"date":"2026-05-24T00:45:48","date_gmt":"2026-05-23T20:45:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/?p=3324"},"modified":"2026-05-26T21:44:38","modified_gmt":"2026-05-26T17:44:38","slug":"feeling-sorry-for-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/feeling-sorry-for-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself: 8 Ways to End the Pity Party"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Self-pity is one of those emotional traps that&#8217;s easy to fall into and hard to climb out of\u2014especially when life genuinely gets hard. But there&#8217;s a difference between acknowledging pain and letting it take over, and that difference has a real impact on your mental health, relationships, and ability to move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, I share advice from psychotherapist Amy Morin and others on how to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start building the kind of mental resilience that turns setbacks into stepping stones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-yoast-seo-table-of-contents yoast-table-of-contents\"><h2>Table of Contents<\/h2><ul><li><a href=\"#h-how-to-avoid-self-pity\" data-level=\"2\">How to Avoid Self-Pity<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#h-1-understand-the-cycle-of-self-pity\" data-level=\"3\">#1: Understand the Cycle of Self-Pity<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-2-turn-self-pity-into-self-compassion\" data-level=\"3\">#2: Turn Self-Pity Into Self-Compassion<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-3-recognize-when-you-re-spiraling\" data-level=\"3\">#3: Recognize When You&#8217;re Spiraling<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-4-feel-it-and-then-move-on\" data-level=\"3\">#4: Feel It, and Then Move On<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-5-change-the-story-you-re-telling-yourself\" data-level=\"3\">#5: Change the Story You&#8217;re Telling Yourself<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-6-stop-ruminating-on-past-mistakes\" data-level=\"3\">#6: Stop Ruminating on Past Mistakes<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-7-act-in-opposition-to-how-you-feel\" data-level=\"3\">#7: Act in Opposition to How You Feel<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-8-do-something-for-someone-else\" data-level=\"3\">#8: Do Something for Someone Else<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-the-bottom-line\" data-level=\"2\">The Bottom Line<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-avoid-self-pity\">How to Avoid Self-Pity<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s natural to feel sad when life gets hard. But, according to psychotherapist Amy Morin, self-pity sets in when you start telling yourself that life has been <em>particularly<\/em> unfair to you or that your problems are bigger than everyone else&#8217;s. That story\u2014however understandable\u2014makes your situation feel out of your control, and that sense of helplessness is where the real damage begins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In her book <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/13-things-mentally-strong-people-dont-do\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\">13 Things Mentally Strong People Don&#8217;t Do<\/a><\/em>, Morin shares advice on how to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I supplement her strategies with ideas from a few other sources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-understand-the-cycle-of-self-pity\">#1: Understand the Cycle of Self-Pity<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When people feel they have little control and that life has been terrible to them, they stop putting effort into their goals. Morin explains that this can trap them <strong>in a cycle where they stop making progress, which leads to more self-pity, which further demotivates them and hampers their progress, leading again to more self-pity.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some psychologists regard this negative cycle as <a href=\"https:\/\/pacificskyrecovery.com\/strategies-to-overcome-self-pity-in-early-recovery\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">one of the hardest to extricate yourself from<\/a>, noting that it often develops during hardships\u2014times when you need strength, not weakness\u2014which makes it even more difficult to rise above those hardships. One common scenario is when a person is trying to break free from another destructive cycle, such as addiction. People in recovery from substance abuse may get lost in self-pity as they\u2019re unravelling old patterns; that self-pity can then make it harder to break those patterns. It\u2019s a well-recognized obstacle along recovery journeys that can knock a person off their trajectory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Understanding the cycle is the first step toward interrupting it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-turn-self-pity-into-self-compassion\">#2: Turn Self-Pity Into Self-Compassion<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>It helps to separate self-pity from something that looks similar but works very differently: self-compassion. Self-compassion is sympathy for your own hardship or suffering, but <strong>it comes paired with a motivation to heal and improve. <\/strong>By contrast, self-pity keeps you focused on how wronged you are, with no clear path forward. Self-compassion is consistently linked to better health, well-being, and stronger relationships\u2014while self-pity tends to undermine all three.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The goal isn&#8217;t to stop acknowledging your pain; it&#8217;s to acknowledge it in a way that moves you forward rather than keeping you stuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-recognize-when-you-re-spiraling\">#3: Recognize When You&#8217;re Spiraling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Another skill Morin recommends to avoid feeling sorry for yourself is simple awareness. Mentally strong people learn to notice when their thoughts are drifting toward feeling sorry for themselves, and that noticing itself creates a moment of choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A useful checkpoint: <strong>Ask yourself whether your pitiful thoughts are actually rational. <\/strong>Are you telling yourself something is impossible, or catastrophically unfair, or uniquely terrible? If so, that&#8217;s a signal worth catching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-feel-it-and-then-move-on\">#4: Feel It, and Then Move On<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Acknowledging negative feelings is not the same as wallowing in them. Morin is clear that negative emotions are natural\u2014but dwelling on them is a choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Roger Connors, Tom Smith, and Craig Hickman, authors of <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-oz-principle\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\">The Oz Principle<\/a><\/em>, offer a complementary take: When you notice yourself slipping into a victim mentality, give yourself brief, deliberate permission to vent and feel sorry for yourself. <strong>Let it out\u2014and then consciously shift your focus to solutions and goals. <\/strong>The trick isn&#8217;t to eliminate &#8220;below the line&#8221; habits entirely but to indulge them only as much as you need to before lifting yourself out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This same approach works when supporting others. Give people space to express frustration, and then gently redirect them toward what they can do next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-change-the-story-you-re-telling-yourself\">#5: Change the Story You&#8217;re Telling Yourself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you&#8217;ve caught a self-pitying thought, Morin recommends actively reframing it rather than just pushing it away. A few ways to do that:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Remind yourself it could have been worse.<\/strong> Upset about getting the flu? It&#8217;s worth noting you don&#8217;t have a chronic illness.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Look for the lesson.<\/strong> What has this situation taught you that you couldn&#8217;t have learned otherwise?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Turn it into a challenge. <\/strong>If you&#8217;re convinced you could never run a 10-minute mile, make that your goal.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Imagine advising a friend.<\/strong> If someone you cared about were in your exact situation, what would you tell them to focus on?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-6-stop-ruminating-on-past-mistakes\">#6: Stop Ruminating on Past Mistakes<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>There&#8217;s a meaningful difference between self-reflection and self-pitying rumination. Self-reflection has genuine value; rumination\u2014replaying old mistakes on a loop\u2014tends to produce shame and regret that holds you back without offering anything useful in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To limit rumination, Morin suggests:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Scheduling a bounded window for reflection<\/strong> rather than letting it bleed into your whole day<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Preparing a &#8220;backup thought&#8221;<\/strong>\u2014a go-to redirect for when unwelcome memories surface<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Setting short- and long-term goals<\/strong> to keep your attention anchored to the future<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>When you do feel sorry for yourself when you think about the past, try to make peace with it: Accept what happened, extract whatever lessons it offers, and focus on the concrete facts of events rather than the emotions attached to them. Give yourself permission to move on\u2014not to forget, but to stop letting the past have a vote in your present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Morin&#8217;s point here is that <strong>moving on is active and intentional, not something that just happens to you over time.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-7-act-in-opposition-to-how-you-feel\">#7: Act in Opposition to How You Feel<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most direct ways to break a pattern is to behave in direct contrast to it. If you feel lonely, join a local sports team. If you feel stagnant, sign up for a class. The action doesn&#8217;t have to be dramatic; it just has to be a deliberate move against the grain of the self-pitying narrative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/dbtsandiego.com\/files\/research\/Opposite_Action_for_Shame_Self-hatred-2007.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Psychologist Marsha Linehan formalized a version of this approach as &#8220;opposite action&#8221;<\/a> in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). The idea is that participating in activities that would normally trigger negative reactions\u2014while feeling supported\u2014can help reduce shame and shift emotional patterns over time. <strong>The behavior change leads the emotional change<\/strong>, not the other way around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-8-do-something-for-someone-else\">#8: Do Something for Someone Else<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Morin points to another counterintuitive remedy: <strong>When you&#8217;re deep in feeling sorry for yourself, turn your attention outward. <\/strong>Dale Carnegie recommends the same strategy. In his classic book <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-stop-worrying-and-start-living\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\">How to Stop Worrying and Start Living<\/a><\/em>, he suggests committing to at least one act of kindness toward someone else every day. The mechanism is straightforward: When you&#8217;re focused on others, you&#8217;re naturally less focused on yourself and your worries. But the benefits go further. Interpersonal connection engages you more deeply with life, reduces restlessness and anxiety, and can lead to genuine new friendships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You don&#8217;t need grand gestures. Ask the cashier how their day is going. Check in on a colleague. Small moments of connection add up, and, as Carnegie notes, the outward positivity you practice has a way of turning inward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-bottom-line\">The Bottom Line<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Feeling sorry for yourself is a deeply human response to hardship\u2014but it&#8217;s also a habit, and habits can be changed. The strategies above aren&#8217;t about pretending life is easier than it is; they&#8217;re about refusing to let difficulty become the whole story. Awareness, reframing, action, and connection. Each one is a way of taking back a small piece of control\u2014and that&#8217;s exactly what self-pity tries to take from you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There&#8217;s a difference between acknowledging pain and letting it take over. Get expert advice on how to stop feeling sorry for yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":3327,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself: 8 Ways to End the Pity Party - Shortform Hub<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There&#039;s a difference between acknowledging pain and letting it take over. 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Get expert advice on how to stop feeling sorry for yourself.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/feeling-sorry-for-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Hub\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-05-23T20:45:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-05-26T17:44:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2026\/05\/smiling-woman-looking-and-pointing-upward.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"571\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/feeling-sorry-for-yourself\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/feeling-sorry-for-yourself\/\",\"name\":\"How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself: 8 Ways to End the Pity Party - Shortform Hub\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/feeling-sorry-for-yourself\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/feeling-sorry-for-yourself\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2026\/05\/smiling-woman-looking-and-pointing-upward.jpeg\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-05-23T20:45:48+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-05-26T17:44:38+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13\"},\"description\":\"There's a difference between acknowledging pain and letting it take over. 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