{"id":1510,"date":"2025-10-30T10:25:00","date_gmt":"2025-10-30T06:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/?p=1510"},"modified":"2025-10-30T20:02:00","modified_gmt":"2025-10-30T16:02:00","slug":"conflict-resolution-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/romantic\/conflict-resolution-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Conflict Resolution in Relationships: 3 Methods From 3 Experts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you and your partner trapped in the same arguments, cycling through blame and withdrawal without ever reaching a resolution? These destructive patterns aren&#8217;t just bad habits\u2014they&#8217;re symptoms of a deeper issue: the breakdown of emotional safety that fuels an endless feedback loop of conflict and disconnection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss three different methods of conflict resolution in relationships from the books <em>Hold Me Tight, Nonviolent Communication, <\/em>and <em>Difficult Conversations<\/em>. Then, we&#8217;ll wrap it up by looking at how to end a conflict and move forward with advice from <em>Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Difficult People<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-yoast-seo-table-of-contents yoast-table-of-contents\"><h2>Table of Contents<\/h2><ul><li><a href=\"#h-hold-me-tight-s-3-step-method\" data-level=\"2\">Hold Me Tight &#8216;s 3-Step Method<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#h-step-1-identify-negative-communication-patterns\" data-level=\"3\">Step #1: Identify Negative Communication Patterns<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-step-2-share-your-vulnerabilities\" data-level=\"3\">Step #2: Share Your Vulnerabilities<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-step-3-resolve-a-conflict-together\" data-level=\"3\">Step #3: Resolve a Conflict Together<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-nonviolent-communication-s-5-step-method-nbsp\" data-level=\"2\">Nonviolent Communication&#8217;s 5-Step Method\u00a0<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#h-the-5-steps-of-nvc-conflict-resolution\" data-level=\"3\">The 5 Steps of NVC Conflict Resolution<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-the-difficult-conversations-method\" data-level=\"2\">The Difficult Conversations Method<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#h-how-our-stories-get-built\" data-level=\"3\">How Our Stories Get Built<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-test-your-differing-hypotheses\" data-level=\"3\">Test Your (Differing) Hypotheses<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-how-to-end-the-conflict\" data-level=\"2\">How to End the Conflict<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#h-1-confirm-your-decision\" data-level=\"3\">#1: Confirm Your Decision<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-2-affirm-the-relationship\" data-level=\"3\">#2: Affirm the Relationship<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#h-learn-more-about-conflict-resolution-in-relationships\" data-level=\"2\">Learn More About Conflict Resolution in Relationships<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-hold-me-tight-s-3-step-method\"><em>Hold Me Tight<\/em>&#8216;s 3-Step Method<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/hold-me-tight\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\">Hold Me Tight<\/a>, <\/em>Sue<em> <\/em>Johnson explains that the first step of repairing your emotional connection with your partner is stopping the feedback loop of conflict: Feeling unsafe leads to conflict, which leads to feeling even less safe, which leads to more conflict, and so on. This feedback loop is fueled by <strong><em>negative communication patterns<\/em>\u2014defensive and unproductive ways of talking to one another<\/strong> that create tension and exacerbate emotional distance.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While every couple has moments of bad communication, Johnson says that negative communication is the <em>norm<\/em> in relationships lacking emotional safety\u2014and escaping this norm is the first part of repairing your relationship as a whole. Here are Johnson\u2019s three steps for addressing negative communication patterns:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Identify when and how you and your partner communicate negatively.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Identify the vulnerabilities that cause you to communicate negatively.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Resolve a conflict with your partner in a healthier way.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-step-1-identify-negative-communication-patterns\"><strong>Step #1: Identify Negative Communication Patterns<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Johnson states that first, <strong>you and your partner must articulate what your conflicts tend to look like<\/strong> and identify the harmful communication patterns you use. Having an awareness of your harmful tendencies, she says, will make it easier to spot them in the future and shut down the pattern early.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Johnson details three negative communication patterns partners commonly identify with:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-confront-and-retreat\">1) Confront and Retreat<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The first negative pattern involves <strong>one partner confronting another who then withdraws or shuts down.<\/strong> It plays out in the following way:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Partner A communicates their emotions in a way that seems aggressive to Partner B.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Partner B retreats emotionally out of fear of conflict and aggression.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Partner A interprets this retreat as emotional unavailability. This triggers anxiety and fear of isolation, causing them to communicate even more aggressively.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A\u2019s increased aggression makes B feel more under attack and withdraw further, continuing the pattern.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>This pattern causes a breakdown in communication because neither partner feels like they\u2019re able to share their emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Johnson recommends that you and your partner identify a moment when you got stuck in a similar pattern. But, she urges, <em>don\u2019t <\/em>get caught up in the specific details of your dispute. Instead, <strong>take a step back and consider the ways your conflicts fit the \u201cconfront and retreat\u201d pattern<\/strong> overall. Identify who usually confronts and who usually retreats, then try to empathize with the emotions that lead to both reactions\u2014wanting connection and feeling attacked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Differences in \u201cattachment styles,\u201d or <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/attached\/chapter-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ways of forming emotional bonds<\/a>, can contribute to the \u201cconfront and retreat\u201d pattern Johnson describes. Psychologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (<a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/attached\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Attached<\/em><\/a>) explain that some people have an <em>anxious <\/em>attachment style, strongly desiring attachment to their romantic partner and fearing anything that could disrupt it. Others have an <em>avoidant <\/em>attachment style, strongly desiring space and fearing a potential loss of independence in a close relationship. These two attachment styles can easily clash, with the anxious partner frequently reaching out for reassurance, which makes the avoidant partner feel suffocated and want to pull away.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-the-blame-game\">2) The Blame Game<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The second communication pattern Johnson says you may identify in your relationship is \u201cthe blame game\u201d: <strong>Partners enter a cycle of blaming and accusing each other of various perceived offenses<\/strong>. Johnson explains that people use blame as a way to regain control when they feel hurt and vulnerable. When Partner A blames B for an issue, Partner B feels vulnerable. To regain control, partner B criticizes A, making <em>them<\/em> feel vulnerable\u2014and restarting the cycle.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This blame game leads to a breakdown in communication\u2014if you feel that anything you say could expose you to a counter-attack, it will feel impossible to share your emotions and feel safe with one another. To stop this cycle, <strong>recognize that no one has to be the \u201cbad guy\u201d\u2014the real problem is the pattern itself.<\/strong> Reflect on a time when you got into a fight with your partner and focused more on \u201cwinning\u201d (or being in control) than on working through the issue. Acknowledge how that made you view your partner as an adversary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-full-disconnection\">3) Full Disconnection<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Johnson, the final pattern occurs when <strong>both partners in a relationship completely shut down emotionally<\/strong>. They feel that the love is gone and there\u2019s nothing left to fight for, so they each retreat into a state of emotional numbness and shut off all communication. This makes both partners feel unlovable, further contributing to the feelings of hopelessness that led them to disconnect in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To unpack your roles in this pattern, speak to your partner about the things they do that make you feel like you need to pull away\u2014and let them talk about the things you do that make them feel the same. Then, acknowledge what this distance has taken from your relationship and recommit to making it work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table class=\"has-fixed-layout\"><tbody><tr><td><strong>Men vs. Women<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-mans-guide-to-women\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>The Man\u2019s Guide to Women<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>authors John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams point out that men and women experience different emotions during conflict. They provide two tips to overcome the differences:<br><br><strong>1. Regulate Your Emotions<\/strong>: <strong>Pay attention to your physiological response during conflicts<\/strong>. Men especially often experience a state of emotional flooding when in conflict, characterized by a need to defend, an emotional shutdown, and an inability to self-soothe. In fact, research shows that men tend to become more overwhelmed than women in conflict situations.&nbsp;If you feel overwhelmed in a conflict, try using self-soothing techniques such as deep breathing or taking a break from the conversation. However, you should communicate your need for this break to your partner to avoid them feeling abandoned or rejected. You can do this by explaining that you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed and making a plan for when you\u2019ll come back together to finish the conversation.<br><br><strong>2. Listen and Ask Questions: When a woman brings a problem to a man&#8217;s attention, it&#8217;s often a bid for connection<\/strong> rather than a desire for immediate problem-solving. She wants to be heard and understood. Rather than viewing conflict as a problem to be solved, you can approach the situation with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to better understand your partner\u2019s perspective, feelings, concerns, and needs. This active listening approach can go a long way in resolving conflicts and strengthening your connection.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-step-2-share-your-vulnerabilities\"><strong>Step #2: Share Your Vulnerabilities<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>After you and your partner identify your negative communication patterns and how you fit into them, Johnson advises that you each <strong>talk about the emotional vulnerabilities that tend to set these patterns off<\/strong>. Vulnerabilities usually stem from past experiences in important relationships where one of your emotional needs was neglected or dismissed, making you feel sensitive about it in the present. When something your partner does hits on one of these areas of sensitivity or insecurity, you may strongly and automatically react with anger or withdrawal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, Maggie felt ignored by her parents as a child and developed a vulnerability around feeling unheard. So when she feels like her husband Joe isn\u2019t listening to her, she\u2019s likely to get particularly upset and start a fight with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-find-your-vulnerabilities\">Find Your Vulnerabilities<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Johnson provides a series of steps you can take to pinpoint your vulnerabilities:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1)<\/strong> Think back on a moment when something small your partner did prompted a sudden, strong negative reaction in you. For example, Maggie got angry and yelled at Joe when he forgot to take out the trash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2) <\/strong>Note what you thought was going on in that moment, or what you thought your partner was doing. In this situation, Maggie thought Joe was ignoring her on purpose because he didn\u2019t care about her or what she wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>3) Using your response to step two, <strong>see if you can identify the vulnerability your partner triggered with their behavior<\/strong>. For instance, Maggie\u2019s vulnerability around feeling ignored was triggered by Joe forgetting to do something she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>4) Once you have an idea of the vulnerability your partner touched on, think back to your past for a potential source of this vulnerability. Is there someone in your life who regularly made you feel that way? In Maggie\u2019s case, her parents regularly made her feel ignored.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-express-your-vulnerabilities\">Express Your Vulnerabilities<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Once you and your partner have each discovered your vulnerabilities, Johnson suggests you tell each other about them<\/strong>. This is often a difficult process, as it involves sharing some deeply personal feelings. But Johnson emphasizes its benefits, pointing to three in particular:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Sharing vulnerabilities with your partner can lift a huge weight off your shoulders\u2014emotional distance is a much larger source of stress than dealing with negative emotions together.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You and your partner will have a better idea of what sets each other off and how to avoid those triggers.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You\u2019ll be able to approach relationship conflicts from their source\u2014emotional vulnerabilities\u2014instead of making assumptions about each other\u2019s behaviors and getting trapped in a negative communication pattern.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-step-3-resolve-a-conflict-together\"><strong>Step #3: Resolve a Conflict Together<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you have a clearer picture of the negative communication patterns you and your partner fall into and the vulnerabilities that often trigger them, Johnson suggests <strong>talking about a recurring conflict in your relationship<\/strong>\u2014something that you\u2019ve argued about multiple times.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This discussion requires you to use the tools you\u2019ve developed so far: You\u2019ll share your feelings <em>and<\/em> recognize your role in these recurring issues rather than placing all the blame on your partner. By using this new approach\u2014working <em>together<\/em> to resolve the problems\u2014you and your partner can start to rebuild your emotional safety and improve your connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-johnson-s-conflict-resolution-process\">Johnson\u2019s Conflict Resolution Process<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Johnson outlines a four-part process for getting to the root of your conflict, recognizing how you both contribute to it, and coming to a resolution.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1)<\/strong> <strong>Each partner acknowledges the role they played in the conflict<\/strong>. For example, Tyler recognizes that he started nitpicking Frank about how he was washing dishes. Frank acknowledges that he got defensive and, by telling Tyler to calm down, he brushed Tyler\u2019s concerns aside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2)<\/strong> Once you\u2019ve discussed the behavior on both sides, <strong>explain how you felt during the conflict<\/strong>. For instance, Tyler says he felt underappreciated because he\u2019d expressed before why washing dishes a certain way is important to him\u2014so by ignoring his advice, Frank made it seem like he didn\u2019t care about what matters to Tyler. Frank shares that he <em>also<\/em> felt underappreciated because he was trying to help, and it seemed like it wasn\u2019t good enough for Tyler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>3)<\/strong> <strong>Acknowledge how your actions affected your partner emotionally.<\/strong> In our example, Tyler admits that approaching Frank with a critical, irritated tone when he was doing a chore might make him feel defensive and underappreciated. In turn, Frank acknowledges that by brushing off Tyler\u2019s concerns, he sent the message that he doesn\u2019t care how Tyler feels about it.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>4) <\/strong>Once you\u2019ve finished talking through the conflict, <strong>reflect on how it feels to work together with your partner on these issues<\/strong>. Find some way to reconnect and restate your commitment to them\u2014even if it\u2019s something as simple as showing appreciation for the conversation you\u2019ve just had. For example, Tyler and Frank agree to do their best to be considerate of each other\u2019s preferences when doing chores. And, because each person knows their partner is trying their best, they\u2019ll refrain from criticizing tasks done the \u201cwrong\u201d way.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you recognize that you\u2019re returning to a negative communication pattern during this process, pause the conversation instead of getting caught up in the back-and-forth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-nonviolent-communication-s-5-step-method-nbsp\"><strong><em>Nonviolent Communication&#8217;s<\/em> 5-Step Method&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Like Sue Johnson in <em>Hold Me Tight, <\/em>Marshall B. Rosenberg in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/nonviolent-communication\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Nonviolent Communication<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em>lays out his own five-step method for conflict resolution.<em> <\/em>The key premise of the NVC conflict resolution method is that <em>behind every conflict are unmet needs.<\/em> Identifying the unmet needs underlying the conflict helps you empathize with the other person because human needs are universal.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Effective conflict resolution requires that people on both sides of the conflict come to appreciate that their own needs and the other person\u2019s needs are equally important. Therefore,<strong> <\/strong><em>the goal of the NVC conflict resolution method is not compromise<\/em>. In a compromise, neither party\u2019s needs are fully met, and those remaining unmet needs will only cause further problems down the road. The NVC conflict resolution method is about finding a way to resolve conflict in a way that meets the needs of all parties.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-5-steps-of-nvc-conflict-resolution\"><strong>The 5 Steps of NVC Conflict Resolution<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As you go through the NVC conflict resolution process, the key thing is to focus on giving everyone a chance to express their needs before moving on to solutions. Therefore, the first steps are to understand the unmet needs of all parties involved. In total, there are five steps:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 1:<\/strong> Express your own needs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Be careful to differentiate between needs and strategies.&nbsp; For example, the statement \u201cI need you to leave me alone for a minute\u201d is a strategy, not a statement of need, because it references someone doing something. A true statement of need would be, \u201cI\u2019m feeling overwhelmed and I need to rest for a minute.\u201d It\u2019s sometimes difficult to tell needs and strategies apart because we\u2019re not used to openly and vulnerably sharing our needs.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 2:<\/strong> Identify the other person\u2019s needs (this step can also be done first).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>If the person you\u2019re communicating with isn\u2019t practicing NVC, they might express their needs in more indirect ways. Silence, rejection, and judgmental comments are all veiled statements of need. By recognizing these and translating them, you can keep the conversation flowing nonviolently even if the person you\u2019re talking to isn\u2019t using NVC.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 3:<\/strong> Verify that both of you accurately understand each other\u2019s needs by repeating the other person\u2019s needs back to them and asking them to do the same for you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 4:<\/strong> Provide empathy by focusing on their unmet needs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 5:<\/strong> Propose strategies that meet everyone\u2019s needs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Propose solutions using <em>present language<\/em> by requesting what you need <em>in this moment <\/em>in order to move forward. This gives the other person the chance to either agree or refuse right in the moment. For example, ask, \u201cWould you be willing to tell me if I can borrow your car tomorrow?\u201d instead of \u201cCan I borrow your car tomorrow?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-difficult-conversations-method\"><strong>The <em>Difficult Conversations <\/em>Method<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/difficult-conversations\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Difficult Conversations<\/em><\/a>, conflict often arises due to differences in perception, in which case, the only truth is that there\u2019s no truth. Both parties have their own \u201cstories\u201d that make perfect sense to them, but the stories are in conflict. When people focus on arguing their own \u201cright\u201d story, they lose the opportunity to explore the other person\u2019s story and understand why they think they\u2019re right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-our-stories-get-built\"><strong>How Our Stories Get Built<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>First, we all take in information. But there\u2019s so much information to take in that <strong>we can only take in a fraction of what\u2019s being offered to us in a given moment<\/strong>\u2014what we take in can be vastly different from what another person takes in, even if they\u2019re sitting right next to us.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Secondly, after we take in what information we can, <strong>then it\u2019s up to our brains to <\/strong><strong><em>interpret<\/em><\/strong><strong> what that information means.<\/strong> This is yet another fork in the road where people can diverge.\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Two factors that influence how we interpret information are 1) our past experiences and 2) the rules we learned about how things should or shouldn\u2019t be done.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>People\u2019s actions and why they make sense <em>only make sense<\/em> in the context of their past. All our strong views are extremely influenced by our past experiences, and what we learned from our family or other early influences.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Usually, we\u2019re unaware of just how much our past affects our present interpretation and judgment of information.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Our past experiences lead us to different conclusions that become \u201crules\u201d to live by\u2014the shoulds or shouldn\u2019ts that get us into trouble in arguments. Difficult conversations occur when two people\u2019s rules clash.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>However, our conclusions and rules usually reflect self-interest: they support our view and interpret the information favorably based on our conclusions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Lastly, <strong>we draw conclusions<\/strong> about the information we\u2019ve gathered and how we\u2019ve interpreted it, and we make judgments.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Only we have access to our past experiences and information that form our conclusions. We know ourselves better than anyone else knows us. So we <em>should<\/em> assume that other people know themselves better than we could ever hope to. We <em>shouldn\u2019t <\/em>assume that we know what others\u2019 stories are or how others\u2019 stories were built. We <em>should <\/em>aim to understand each other\u2019s stories enough to see how the opposing perspective also makes sense. Understanding alone won\u2019t solve the issue, but it\u2019s the first step toward actually getting to a resolution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-test-your-differing-hypotheses\"><strong>Test Your (Differing) Hypotheses<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Once both parties\u2019 stories have been heard, the next step is to come up with some test options that might help solve both sides\u2019 issues.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At this stage, it\u2019s important to identify the underlying assumptions that the differences in perspective stem from. We usually keep these assumptions to ourselves, or we might not even know they\u2019re assumptions. If you can identify what the conflicting assumptions are, then you can come up with a fair test to see whose assumption is more valid, or how much more valid it is.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, your neighbor\u2019s dog has been keeping you up with his barking. You talk to your neighbors and discover they just had a baby and have been keeping the dog outside at night because they\u2019re afraid he\u2019ll hurt the baby. It\u2019s not a fair test to propose they get rid of the dog\u2014it only really addresses your issue. It could be a fair test, however, to propose keeping the dog inside for a few nights and shutting the door to the baby\u2019s room, which addresses both parties\u2019 issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-end-the-conflict\"><strong>How to End the Conflict<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/powerful-phrases-for-dealing-with-difficult-people\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Difficult People<\/em><\/a>, Ren\u00e9e Evenson provides advice on how to end a conflict, providing two final steps in the conflict resolution process. She states that, after both sides have proposed potential fixes, you must definitively decide how to resolve the issue. Ideally, someone will propose a solution that both parties gladly accept, ending the conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s discuss two important steps of ending a conflict: Confirming a decision and affirming the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-confirm-your-decision\"><strong>#1: Confirm Your Decision<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Evenson suggests that <strong>once you\u2019ve identified a solution that makes both of you happy, <\/strong><strong><em>repeat it<\/em><\/strong><strong> to ensure the other person fully understands and accepts it<\/strong>. For instance, say something like, \u201cGreat. I\u2019ll stop leaving dishes in the sink if you\u2019ll take the trash out twice a week.\u201d This added clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and future conflicts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: A common piece of advice in business management is that if you want your employees to remember and act on important information, you should <a href=\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/power-of-repetition-successful-leaders\/\">repeat it as much as you can<\/a>, in different forms. This approach may be helpful after conflict resolution, too: Instead of just recapping the final decision once, find different ways to repeat and reinforce it to make it more likely that the other person will remember to comply. For instance, stick a chore list to the side of the refrigerator.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-affirm-the-relationship\"><strong>#2: Affirm the Relationship<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, Evenson recommends ending your conversation by <strong>expressing how happy you are that you were able to come to an agreement and how much you appreciate your relationship with the other person.<\/strong> For instance, you might say, \u201cI\u2019m happy we could work this out! I\u2019m excited to see what we\u2019ll be able to accomplish together next.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This kind of conclusion leaves a lasting positive impression on the other person and makes them feel a stronger bond with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-learn-more-about-conflict-resolution-in-relationships\">Learn More About Conflict Resolution in Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you found this article interesting and you want to dive even deeper into resolving conflict within relationships, you can read the full guides of the books mentioned here, plus more, below:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/hold-me-tight\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\">Hold Me Tight<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/attached\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Attached<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-mans-guide-to-women\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>The Man\u2019s Guide to Women<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/nonviolent-communication\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Nonviolent Communication<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/difficult-conversations\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Difficult Conversations<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/powerful-phrases-for-dealing-with-difficult-people\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Difficult People<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/eight-dates\/preview\" rel=\"nofollow\">Eight Dates<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you and your partner argue often? Here are three conflict resolution methods for those in relationships in need of repair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":1525,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romantic"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Conflict Resolution in Relationships: 3 Methods From 3 Experts - Shortform Hub<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you and your partner argue often? 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